Was Jesus a friend of sinners? Maybe. But … does it matter?
In the journey of life, we veer off so very often. We all need quick course corrections to maintain the integrity of our jouneys.
Forget the son. The father was the real prodigal
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Navigating the Pitfalls of Ministerial Privilege: Balancing Access and Service
The minister or the priest is a conduit of privileges, power, and solutions, acting as a vital bridge between God or the king and those in need. The potential for misuse of this privileged position is very high, tempting individuals to prioritize personal gain over effective service. True service for the minister, however, lies in empathizing with the community he or she was sworn in to serve, akin to Jesus’ enduring connection with the world through its adversities. Maintaining proximity to the individuals they serve and working to understand their struggles deeply strengthens effective ministry. The capacity to grasp the emotions and challenges of those in need is essential for the man or woman who comes forward to intercede for people before God.
However, some might claim a special ministry for the rich only. Maybe, but the truth is that the rich have access—often unfettered access—to power, privilege, favor, and solutions. Technically, you could say they have access to God and the king. Some health conditions are considered death sentences in some parts of the world because of the lack of access to healthcare, and for that, the minister must seek heaven for healing to happen. However, in some parts of the world, healthcare delivery is so advanced that they do not even give such health concerns a second thought.
Of course, rich people have problems, for which they need God. But as a matter of speaking, for most of the other things for which the poor cry, they can find their way around the sources of solution. Of course. God is not prejudiced against the rich. Deliberately, He ensures that the poor are given a fair chance to access Him. As ministers, we should commit to understanding and sharing in the people’s burdens, particularly the constant pain of the poor. Though the rich also cry, the minister’s focus should align with the pulse of the city and the struggles of the marginalized. Ministry, by its nature, should not segregate the wealthy; it should provide access to power, privilege, and solutions for all. However, ministering to the rich has its perks. Who would not want to minister in a setting where the honorarium could buy you a new car? Compare that to another place where the honorarium is a handshake in the pastor’s office and a repeated thank-you. And it gets worse: think of the missionary who is ministering among hostile people who would rather poison him after he has endured untold hardship just to get to them. The minister who understands his or her calling knows it is a sacrifice, just as it was for the Lord Jesus.
The sons of Eli portrayed what the minister should not be. They used their office for personal gain. Unlike Jesus the High Priest, who said He did not come to be served but to serve. To underscore how critical this issue is, as Jesus was ending his inaugural fast into public ministry, the devil’s first temptation for Him was for Jesus to use His access to power and take care of Himself—His hunger. That sounds innocent, and do remember that the devil would not have appeared to Him with horns. It could have just passed as a thought in His head, just as it is for us. If Jesus did not see what was wrong with that and turned a pebble into a piece of bread, the next would have been to use the power to get a house. After all, Jesus once mentioned that “Foxes have dens and birds have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head.” Though we have access to power, privilege, wealth, and solutions, as ministers and priests, we should release them so frequently and rapidly that we become effectively nothing but tunnels and conduits, connecting solutions to a needy world. So, when you point one end of the tube to someone with the solution, the channel is not designed to empty into you and stop there. That is how the Dead Seas are made. The true ministry remains authentic in the fact that it is channeling care to where it is needed. That is why, as a minister, you are, first and foremost, an intercessor. Jesus ran His ministry, such that, though He attracted the rich and met their needs, everyone knew they had access to Him. The leper, the prostitute, the fisherman, the beggar—everyone. Such thoroughfare and an open-door policy will make it impossible for a valve to dam the delivery channel or for you to get obese.
The commitment to remain accessible defines ministry from Jesus’ perspective. The commitment not to hold back. The commitment to be touched by those with little access to the source of solutions. It is the sort of commitment that says, “Freely you receive, freely you give.” Such commitment levels the ground as a poor person approaches. It doesn’t humiliate or embarrass them. Jesus brought himself down to the place of a baby, born to poor parents. So poor, He was born in a manger, and shepherds, the lowest in the economic ranking of first-century Palestine, were the first to have access to the King of the universe. By the way, angles had to alert them to make that courtesy call. That is our commitment to accessibility and availability.
Jesus ran His ministry, such that, though He attracted the rich and met their needs, everyone knew they had access to Him. The leper, the prostitute, the fisherman, the beggar—everyone.
Nik Ripken highlights three phases of the church: pre-Pentecostal, Pentecostal, and post-Pentecostal. The concern arises in the post-Pentecostal phase, where the church, having become rich, risks losing its essence as it marches on its “church growth” path while pursuing the wrong things. The comfort and ease of this era betrayed the church into complacency and theological death. Ripken believes that for the church to stay Pentecostal, it must stay witnessing, cutting into the frontiers. To do that means persecution. Ripken writes (The Insanity of Obedience, pp. 28–29):
“As we struggled to understand the persecutors and persecution, we were led to a greater comprehension of the nature of good and evil. Representing the forces of evil, Satan strives to deny entire people groups and nations access to Jesus. It became clear in our interviews that the ultimate goal of the persecutors is always to deny people access to Jesus, and our interviews indicated that persecutors would do whatever was necessary to reach that goal. Persecutors seek to deny human beings the two great spiritual opportunities: first, access to Jesus and, second, opportunity for witness.”
Opulence is not a key performance indicator for a minister of God. Instead what matters is how he or she converts his or her access to the source of power and solutions to effective intercession and practical help for the world yet to be reached by the love of Christ. The church can grow in connection and network without necessarily growing in opulence. Stagnating in the frontier expansion of the Kingdon (not denominational expansion by sheep stealing) while accumulating wealth is a metric that reeks of a lost focus. The cause is a disconnect from the pains of a hurting world, a persecuted church, and those still unreached with the gospel. The ministry must focus on acquiring and releasing resources, not hoarding them.
Opulence is not a key performance indicator for a minister of God. Instead what matters is how he or she converts his or her access to the source of power and solutions to effective intercession and practical help for the world yet to be reached by the love of Christ.
In this season of Ramadan, we have yet another opportunity to reconnect with the template left by our Lord Jesus. He chose accessibility over affluence, taking a social posture that made Him fully available to all, irrespective of their societal status. This season of prayer for Muslims prompts reflection on our marginalized and persecuted Christian brothers and sisters who suffer and lack access to resources. It prompts reflection on the need for tough-hearted believers who will stand with them in those lands until the image of the Son of Righteousness is burned into the hearts of those still alien to Christ’s love. It prompts us to reconsider our budgets: money, time, etc., and factor in what ministry will look like in such places, and how we can be a part of it. It prompts us to consider what it will take to reach the destitute and the prostitute by the street corner with the love of Christ.
To be close to power, wealth, and solutions is a privilege. We are entrusted with access. Access to the one who is the mediator of the new covenant. To keep it from the very people that need it the most, but lavish it among those who we reckon merit our presence, our privileged kind, is grand nepotism. We must honor God by deploying His resources as He intends. We must transcend the cravings for personal gains. The call is to be conduits of care and solutions, thinking less of ourselves and more about the collective extension of God’s kingdom.
Click here to download a PDF guide to join the 30 Days of Prayer for the Muslim World.
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Navigating the Beauty Minefield: A Guide for Married Men
Generated with Gencraft Welcome to an exploration of the delicate balance between a healthy marriage and the allure of external beauty. King Solomon’s age-old reflection regarding a man’s interactions with a woman finds relevance in the challenges faced by married men today. Adultery remains a common cause of divorce, with 35% attributed to husbands’ unfaithfulness in a particular study. This statistic underscores the pressing need for married men to control their sexuality to preserve their marriages.
In romantic gestures, husbands often declare their wives as the most beautiful in the universe—the prime embodiment of feminine beauty. While this sentiment is crucial for maintaining a healthy romance in a marriage, it should be seen as an exclusive, heartfelt expression among lovers rather than an absolute truth, just like a pastor would invite you to join him to “welcome the best choir in the world,” and even the choirmaster knows they did not even make the competition. Well, you know better than to tell that to your wife. Nonetheless, men sometimes idealize their wives to the point of believing they are the only ones who can entice them. Shockingly, 26% of married men commit adultery, and there are other statistics that indicate that up to 50% of marriages are riddled with infidelity, revealing the stark gap between this idealization and reality. Acknowledging the feminine figure’s natural beauty, irrespective of who it is, when ignored, contributes to the origin of this marital quagmire.
Adultery becomes an issue often due to a lack of honesty and self-awareness. Sadly, male sexuality and romance are hardly topics for discussion, making self-awareness a far cry and, worse, a dangerous adventure. As a young man and early in my marriage, I told myself that nothing bad would happen to me, even if I were in a room full of naked women or if I watched pornographic material. That was naivety raised to power 10. The very careless naivety that lands most married men in trouble. Such recklessness is what breeds the elephant in the room—pornographic addiction, a scourge even among religious leaders. The “Me Too” movements are as rampant as they are because a guy was naïve about what could happen, or was well aware, but had a reckless, conceited belief in his ability to exercise self-control. Risky and ineffective boundary management. Another scandal and a heartbreak because a man ignored the seductive power of the woman in the lift with him or pretended she did not count. As married men, we must acknowledge that women are anatomically and biologically designed to attract men. The man who ignores this fact or pretends it is nonconsequential risks turning himself into a rat in a pen of hungry street cats. Apostle Paul’s simple warning: “Flee!”
…women are … designed to attract men. The man who ignores this fact or pretends it is nonconsequential risks turning himself into a rat in a pen of hungry street cats. Apostle Paul’s simple warning: “Flee!”
Acknowledging that other women are attractive and can entice me doesn’t diminish my love and devotion to my wife; on the contrary, it serves as a reminder for me to be vigilant. It positions me to treat my secretary, my co-worker, my next-door neighbor, the vulnerable lady who is ready to give anything to have a problem sorted, and indeed any other lady within my immediate space, with the courtesy and respect they deserve. Interestingly, and often, the woman that the man is lusting after is not necessarily more beautiful than the man’s wife. Therefore, it is not really about a particular woman’s beauty as much as it is that the species called woman, however she is shaped, attracts men. Period! A thoughtful man therefore humbly acknowledges that one can easily increase the 26% statistic. Responsible behavior involves setting clear boundaries for my heart and my eyes and implementing safeguards. I tell myself the truth: I cannot scoop smoldering coals into my laps, or eyes, for that matter, and expect not to be burned. In addition to guarding my heart and eyes and living responsibly, I must foster open communication with my wife and work at staying satisfied with her. The woman outside becomes a factor to contend with when there is a breakdown of communication between the couple. Stressed out from the hassles of the day and weighed down by conflicts, even if they are slow-burn ones, at home, men become super susceptible to yearning to look at the other woman. You are less likely to desire a snack if you leave home feeling full.
You are less likely to desire a snack if you leave home feeling full.
In summary, steering clear of beauty minefields in marriage is not about choosing to live like a hermit, unscathed by the world. It requires profound self-awareness, growing effective pillow talk in your marriage, conscious commitment to fidelity, and responsible behavior toward other women. As married men, we can navigate challenges by appreciating beauty while reaffirming our commitment to our wives. No need for beauty pageants here; your wife is the best choice for you! Together, let’s avoid the beauty minefield and cultivate lasting love in our marriages. In doing so, we set out on a path of intentional fidelity and admiration for our wives, cherishing the unique beauty each of us has within the commitment of our marriages.
I appreciate that this is just a part of the discussion. But then, it is not yet a discussion if we have not heard from you. So, do send in your comments. I would love to read your take on this and more as we get this conversation going. Also, while at it, please consider subscribing to the website to receive future articles and posts.
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Prompts et al: The New Creativity
Seven Ways to Stay Ahead with AI
Generated with Fotor
Humans walked anywhere they needed to go in the beginning. After realizing that certain animals were stronger and faster runners, they eventually took the risk of mounting some of them and used others to pull the plow and carry their cargo. Nonetheless, they faced difficulties, such as the horse’s refusal to allow anyone to sit on it and steer it. On the other hand, certain quick-witted guys learned how to break the horse, mount it, and make it submit.
Years later, a few other clever people invented a motor-powered carriage. That necessitated acquiring new skills. One was learning how to drive and use this new device, which made moving around easier for humans.
Every system-improving innovation will inevitably lead to skill gaps, system and technical obsolescence, and human and skill redundancies. There is now a structure in place that will deliver more effectively. Champions under the previous system run the risk of becoming outdated due to the obsolescence of their skills. They frequently grow skeptical and look on with contempt as the new system takes over because of their cherished familiarity and sacred knowledge of the previous one. The onboarding period for new systems will result in several skill gaps as old ones are retired, particularly for the new skill sets required to interact with the new system.
To take advantage of everything the new system has to offer, early adopters dive headfirst into it and create entirely new skill sets. Additionally, there are more opportunities for these early adopters to gain from the new system. The more the needed skill sets to drive the new system are lacking, the more opportunities there are.Some Prompts to Get Started
- What fresh competencies is the AI revolution requiring?
- What level of disruption can we expect, at least in your sector?
- How can you take advantage of these disruptions?
- What skill set adjustments are you making to improve yourself and stay ahead?
Whether artificial intelligence will shape our era is no longer up for debate. The conversation now is how soon you will learn to ride this new horse because it will be very different from simply trekking
Seven Essentials to Harness AI
Learn the New Language, AI-nese
Artificial intelligence still relies on humans to learn until it reaches general intelligence. That being said, what your astute AI will serve you is some vomit that has been regurgitated. Saying that you shouldn’t trust your AI is incorrect. To be able to give instructions to your AI and understand its feedback, you must become more intelligent than it is. Otherwise, you run the risk of depending on it while it depends in part on information and data from your disagreeable neighbor.
To fully utilize artificial intelligence’s powers, one must learn how to prompt AI. Understanding how to craft precise and contextually relevant prompts enables you to elicit accurate and meaningful responses from AI models. A well-written prompt directs the model to produce the intended result, increasing productivity and customizing the interaction to your requirements. This ability is essential for utilizing AI in various fields, such as natural language processing and problem-solving, since it enables you to formulate questions and assignments in a way that is compatible with the model’s capabilities, which in turn improves the worth of your interactions with AI systems.
Remember, AI is Not God
Google contested the God title so much that Google Home once said it didn’t know who Jesus was. You do not know Google if you do not appreciate how unyielding it is. “Everyone” worldwide, especially Gen Z, irrespective of religious affiliation, would consult Google to confirm or validate their spiritual leaders. For many, Google is their chief medical consultant. If a teacher has not experienced humiliation at the hands of a student because Google presented an opposing viewpoint, then the teacher is probably not engaging the students sufficiently. Yet, Google is just an infant AI. If Google commands us to ask it everything and we unwittingly ask it for permission before we act, AI tools and platforms would do much more.
If Google commands us to ask it everything and we unwittingly ask it for permission before we act, AI tools and platforms would do much more.
The world run by adult AI will see a lot of democratized digital gods. Therefore, choose wisely who you follow.
Master AI Ethics and LegalitiesGaining a diverse skill set is essential to navigating the tricky maze of AI ethics and laws. Learn about the laws and rules that control artificial intelligence, including those about data protection and industry-specific compliance requirements. Maintain up-to-date knowledge of developing ethical standards and legal advancements in artificial intelligence. Focus on accountability, transparency, and fairness as you engage the revolving wheels of AI ethics and legalities. Keep pace with the developments in legislative quarters around AI. Stay original as much as you can afford. With the growing blurriness around copyright concerns, originality still counts. Learn how to build on AI-generated assets.
Retool With and Integrate AITo fully utilize the revolutionary power of AI, deliberate retooling is required. Even though Google announced their AI plans before every other person, they are slow in integrating what they have on their search engine platform – Google. Smaller groups and even completely new startups are making AI their default setup. Perhaps Google is planning something big. However, such slow deployment is what you and I cannot afford.
Start by trying out the various AI tools that are launched every day. Most of them have free versions and plans. Learn their unique strengths and weaknesses. Then decide which one(s) will serve you the best for the task you want to use them for. You can also enroll in courses and earn certifications to set you apart as an expert in a specific AI idea or application. Work together with AI specialists and enthusiasts. Yaba AI Hub, moderated by INSDEC at Lagos, is one example of such a peer-learning center. Keep up with the latest developments in your area of interest. Keep learning.
AI Will Not Deliver Soft SkillsSoft skills like empathy, openness, and skillful communication are essential in today’s AI world to improve your proficiency with this game-changing technology. Although technical expertise will be demanded because AI will make excuses for poor grammar, typos, and poorly done PowerPoints a thing of the past, soft skills, on the other hand, will depend on our individual capacities to deliver. Though technical competence, which AI can help with, can get us spots in the workplace, without the necessary soft skills, we will lose such spots.
In addition, understanding and tackling the ethical issues surrounding AI require empathy. Because of the highly disruptive nature of such a fast-evolving technology, operators and innovators must build with a human-centric perspective. The majority of Generation X will retire in the next eight to twenty-five years. For most of the later part of their work lives, they have battled to adjust to the challenges posed by the advances of digital technology in the workplace. Thanks in part to Millennials’ and Gen Z’s insatiable appetite for such technologies. The AI revolution will make that problem worse. Aya A calls it the Digital Technology Gap. There must be an intentionality to serve new workplace expectations with a generous dose of soft skills. There must be care to foster collaboration, establish trust in AI systems, and insist on a culture of transparent communication in onboarding and explaining complicated AI concepts to a range of audiences. You and I will still be needed to deliver the emotional intelligence, empathy, resilience, negotiation, and persuasion skills needed in the workplace. AI will not do those. AI may give you tips and even help you prepare the PowerPoints for your presentation, but you have to stand before the panel to make that presentation. Employers may no longer look at the smartness of your presentations, visuals, and reports. It will soon be taken for granted that AI does that for everyone. The focus will now be on the other things your humanity brings to the table.
Remain the Craftsman
When it comes to people, AI is a tool, just like a pencil can replace a piece of chalk or a power drill can replace a traditional hammer and nail. Like these instruments, AI acts as a technical enabler, increasing productivity and opening up new avenues. It is improving our human talents, enabling more complex and subtle problem-solving. Just like a power drill enhances a craftsman’s ability to deliver accurately and with speed rather than detracting from it, AI functions as a boost to human intelligence and potential. Getting the best out of AI requires that we appreciate that we control whatever AI tools we use and decide their impact. While we should use them to spark innovation and even execute most of it, we must remain the innovators.
Do not Outsource Decision-making
Closely related to the need to remain in the driver’s seat as craftsmen, decision-making cannot be outsourced to AI. If the system would depend on you to make those decisions, then you and I must be “better” than the AI. We must use the AI tools in a way that demands that we are aware that we know better. The decisions taken are our responsibility. We must vet every suggestion the AI tool gives us. While you should appreciate the speed and efficiency it offers, the buck stops with you.
Bill Gates talks about a future run by “agents.” One’s decisions can be left entirely to these super-intelligent agents. That is understandable because of their superior computing speed. These are artificial “beings” that will know you better than you and may be able to make smarter and more logical decisions for you than you can. Until then, and as we decide how much to outsource to them, the bots and Ais we have for now do not know enough to make all the decisions for us.
Finally,
Even though AI is capable of doing so much, it is still important to develop our core competencies and talents in those areas that AI cannot replace. Knowing the nuances of AI technologies, and especially how to prompt, will enable us to use them more skillfully, guaranteeing the best results and debugging when needed. Furthermore, human oversight is necessary for assessing complex data, reaching decisions, and dealing with unforeseen difficulties that AI might not be able to precisely handle. Gaining proficiency in AI-related jobs will also make us more useful team members since we will be able to steer the application of AI in ways that best suit the requirements of our various businesses and workflows and seamlessly incorporate them into our unique organizational cultures. Constant skill development guarantees flexibility in a rapidly changing technological environment, enabling us to keep ahead of changes and make significant contributions to the changing roles and responsibilities in an AI-driven workplace. Most importantly, a truly human touch is all the more needed in a world where the click of the mouse may make competence, diligence, and hard work seem worthless.
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October 31st
The Protest
October 31st, a conflict-laden date with religious reverberations, it’s important to remember its multifaceted significance. This date, associated with Halloween in modern times, carries a rich history that goes beyond the costume parties and trick-or-treating.
Five centuries ago, on October 31, 1517, Martin Luther, a German priest, sparked a transformation in the Christian world. Luther’s bold act of posting his 95 Theses on the door of the Castle Church in Wittenberg, Germany, challenged the prevailing practices of the Catholic Church. He decried the sale of indulgences, a means to absolve sins and escape purgatory and hell, which he found both theologically flawed and corrupt. Luther’s actions led to his excommunication and marked the beginning of the Protestant Reformation, reshaping the course of Christian history.
Despite this rich history, October 31st is now more widely associated with Halloween, a holiday with pagan representations. Interestingly, and perhaps by design or coincidence, Netflix releases The Origin: Madam Koi Koi, a Nollywood horror story, of course, based on the dead and the spirits, today, 31st October 2023. An apt treat.
The Britannica however says of Halloween to be a
contraction of All Hallows’ Eve, a holiday observed on October 31, the evening before All Saints’ (or All Hallows’) Day
These Catholic holidays were historically linked to the sale of indulgences, and Luther’s choice of October 31st for his protest may have been a deliberate attempt to challenge the Church’s practices.
It’s All in the Name
All Saints’ Day or “All Hallows Day,” “Hallowed Evening” or “Holy Day,” the transition from “All Hallows’ Eve” to “Halloween” is a complex one, with various symbols and traditions adopted over time. Perhaps expressions of pagan worship to appease the dead, the spirits, and the gods when the Fall season gives way to Winter. In some parts of the global Church, however, October 31st is still celebrated as the day the reformation started and, in some places, it is called the Reformation Day. The core principles of the Reformation, encapsulated in the Five Solas:
- Grace alone
- Faith alone
- Christ alone
- Scripture alone
- The glory to God alone
continue to influence evangelical and charismatic churches today.
Perhaps it does not mean much. After all, Paul admonished that no day is holier than the other (Rom. 14:5). No need to make a fuss of any, or of this one. I can’t help but wonder though, if something needs to be celebrated on this day, what should it be?
Halloween is pictured as an innocent fun-time. The level of its acceptance in mainstream societies across the world is attested to by a whopping $9.1 billion industry in 2017 according to USA Today. Of course, this is USA data, and that figure is only surpassed by the staggering 93% of Americans (according to NCA Survey) that celebrate Halloween. The many people who are unaware of its origins, meaning, purpose, and possible impartation.
Take It or Leave It
It is easy to imagine the spread of this super-evasive religious celebration passing as a pop culture across different countries of the world. Some of us may already be doing a good job at shielding our children from the “fun” and whatever else it portends. The majority of us, may just not know. More so, in the spirit of the holidays by the corner: Thanksgiving, Christmas, Hanukkah, New Year, Diwali, etc., for which everyone is “invited,” keeping ourselves and our children away may just seem very un-neighborly. Besides this is one time of the year that we get to connect with other people in our communities.
So, the question is:
What should we do? What can we do?Of course, a no-participation policy as a family is an option. However, it will be challenging in a place like the United States with an estimated 93% involvement. On the other hand, if you feel you could or should, these are a few suggestions:
- Create a teaching moment out of the season. Education is a winner all the time. Instead of allowing the children to approach the season unsure of what to make of the scary motifs, help them engage the season with a curious commitment. Perhaps a research project.
- Use the spirit and death theme of the holiday to tell your own story. After all, what Luther was protesting against was hinged around death: the Church making money from Death. Perhaps in an age where it’s becoming increasingly difficult to talk about such, Halloween and October 31st may allow us to touch on these sore subjects under the cover of a themed holiday. That is what the producers of Young Sheldon, an American show did in one of their episodes.
- Sophia Bricker writing for Christianity.com, notes a few ways Christians can engage the holiday while avoiding the occult. Her list includes “passing out tracts with candy, choosing costumes that exemplify goodness and truth, participating in a trunk-or-treat event at church, doing a prayer walk, and thanking God for His loving gifts.”
- Doctrinal topics on heaven and hell, death and resurrection, angels and demons, the spirit world, and the supernatural, are often difficult to teach or discuss, even from the pulpit. This can be a good time to engage the Church with such topics.
- Take each of the themes of the scary Halloween and give it a nice God-honoring and children-friendly look. Like the pumpkin can be carved differently. Make the costumes to say more of what will inspire positively, etc.
The possibilities for celebrating October 31st in a way that aligns with one’s beliefs are endless. Of course, the internet is awash with ideas. What are you doing this Halloween? What can you still do? How can you navigate October 31st to celebrate something more authentic, life-giving, and freeing? How can you reform October 31st? After all, Halloween … or is it Hallows’ Eve, is about saints, reformed souls, if you will. The Reformation Day itself. A good thing to celebrate indeed.
– Patrick Anyanwu
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A Choice to Shred
Carles Rabada on Unsplash I sat on my bed, gazing at my laptop. Or perhaps it was gazing at me. “Write something. Anything!” it summoned. This was not a writer’s block. My mind was simply overcharged. I felt like a pressure cooker with a faulty valve. All churnings and steam trapped in. I knew instinctively how bombs were made. In my mind, I also pictured the loosely bolted and wearied wheels of an overloaded book cart noisily rolling down an uneven cobblestone road to “let off” some books by a dirt heap. “That is not me!” I protested.
But how could my heart feel so full? So… run-out-of-space? I stack my books neatly, like one defragmenting a hard drive. Like a well-manicured bookshelf, I am careful to arrange the happenings of my day: the good, the hurts, and the ambiguities in very nice piles. Sortable piles. Like a robot, I can retrieve the files that have my wife’s disrespectful attitude from ten years ago and my boss’ indiscretion five days back. I do feel proud of my organizational skill. And to be honest, I do not hate the people in those files or any other person for that matter. I love them. The only problem is that the holding bay, my heart, is bursting at the seams. And worse, I feel poisoned with a smoldering, mind and pen crippling venom. How in the world did I get here?
“…live a life worthy of the calling …. Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.”
Ephesians 4:1,2Superb last phrase. And that has been my basis for “stacking,” even the hurts and the pains. Those were meant to be trashed. Bearing or forbearing, it appears is meant to help me make allowance for my subordinate’s insolence of yesterday and how he may treat me tomorrow. A mechanism to help me shift my perceptions so that other people and their idiosyncrasies can find room in my otherwise choking world. My everyday, all-purpose holding bay. That is just what it is meant to be. Somewhere and sometime, the experience is supposed to be sorted so that I can make sense of the situation, and then ship it out.
The challenge, however, is that all it achieves is to serve as a place to store, sort, defragment, and stack the files on my hard drive—my heart, the source of my life’s issues. The pressure valve is spoiled, and I do not get to vent what has been processed. Could that be what people perceive and mean when they say that Patrick has a large and accommodating heart? And do not get me wrong. I think it is a good thing. We are asked to “make allowance for each other’s faults” (Col. 3:13a). However, my problem is that I stop there, it seems. The second part of that passage says “and forgive anyone who offends you” (Col. 3:13b). But I have mistaken the first part, making room, for forgiveness.
Forgiveness is what I do when I trash things. When I remove things from storage, pull them out of the archive and shred them permanently. I am learning that though I have a great capacity to bear and forbear, the files are not meant to sit in the archives forever, nor does forbearance automatically translate to forgiveness. Forbearance helps us to manage the day and all that it brings; forgiveness helps us to clean out the room so that tomorrow will start on a fresh note. Perhaps that is what my mind needs after all, for the ink to start flowing again.
I am learning that though I have a great capacity to bear and forbear, the files are not meant to sit in the archives forever, nor does forbearance automatically translate to forgiveness.
Lord, I can’t wait to exhale. Help me find the courage today to step over the threshold of forbearance and shred those stacks permanently. Amen.
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Lessons from Aaron: Navigating Leadership and Parenting Concerns
“Finally, he turned to Aaron and demanded, ‘What did these people do to you to make you bring such terrible sin upon them?’ ‘Don’t get so upset, my Lord,” Aaron replied. ‘You yourself know how evil these people are. They said to me, ‘Make us gods who will lead us. We don’t know what happened to this fellow Moses, who brought us here from the land of Egypt.’ So I told them, ‘Whoever has gold jewelry, take it off.’ When they brought it to me, I simply threw it into the fire—and out came this calf!’”
Exodus 32:21–24 NLT
Exodus 32 is a very upsetting chapter. Aaron was left for a brief moment to deputize. Like every delegation, it was a call to a higher office and leadership. Leadership is much like parenting, and nothing mirrored parenting as much as the leadership role God had called Moses to. Moses had rightly asked God, “Did I bear these people? Am I their parent?”
Children will demand what is not good for them, whine, and throw tantrums. You have to be strong enough not to give in. Aaron gave in. His request of Moses, “Don’t get upset, my Lord,” reminds me of a viral video where a child was pleading with the parent who was enraged because of what the boy had done, “Be calming down, be calming down.”
Aaron’s explanation of what happened betrays even his difficulty in making sense of what he did. He said, “I simply threw it into the fire—and out came this calf!” Really? Moses was on point to ask him, “What did these people do to you to make you…” Parenting and leadership can be so draining sometimes that the world can seem completely unhinged. One can get to that point where you are forced to cry out, “Am I the only one?” Moses once protested to God concerning his “parenting” and leadership roles: “If that is how you want to treat me, just kill me” (Num. 11:15). At such points, emotional laziness sets in, and following that, there is often a flood of irresponsible decisions. Actions to excuse one from the concerns and pressures of the moment. It is like lies that offer us an immediate way of escape—another “present help in times of trouble.” The real trouble, however, is that the trouble is only pushed forward and nitro-fueled. Never solved.
Ephesians 6:10 commands us to “be strong in the Lord.” Everyday tasks call for their share of challenges (Jesus said that much). They can wear one out. Paul challenges parents, children, and slaves alike to be strong at their various points of engagement with society. Those are the places where we get chipped off bit by bit until the pulp shielding our nerves is exposed. Irritability, frustration, and throwing in the towel happen, and then they stroll in and take their seats. We look for a path of least resistance and zero stress, if ever. Paul admonishes, be strong! Do not back down, and yet, do not fly off the handle.
I remember an occasion when we had a fire outbreak in our house. The room where the fire started was engulfed. Everything was burning, and the smoke was so thick that one could only see a few feet when we knew such was happening behind a closed door. My 3-year-old son was in that room and could have died either from the fire or the smoke. He was the only thing that was not burning in that room when we opened the door. Where was I at the time? I was pacing up and down in frustration and fixated—to my shame—on the fire, the loss, and what role my son might have played in causing the fire. After all, he was alone in the room.
The desire for heartache-free leadership and the utopian wish to parent the perfect and ever-obedient child are sad delusions we indulge in now and then. I was oblivious to the miracle my family was granted that day. To lose our courage and cool at such times as leaders or parents is not only irresponsible, it is dangerous. At such critical moments, we lose the wise-one-in-the-room advantage. If ever there is anything required of parenting and leading, it is to be an anchor at such times—to fight the natural drift to succumb to a devilish manipulation or to rain down an inferno. The sustained capacity to make quality and sound decisions every time is a non-negotiable posture for parenting and leadership.
To lose our courage and cool at such times as leaders or parents is not only irresponsible, it is dangerous. At such critical moments, we lose the wise-one-in-the-room advantage.
Aaron’s ordeal leaves me with the following lessons:
• Be strong, and keep your head so you can stand on the day of battle
• Grow some resilience
• Do not be tired to stand your ground
• Never give in to stupid, irresponsible, and dangerous decisions just so the child will stop his or her tantrums, or so that a difficult colleague or subordinate will comply. Such manipulation, once served, will not be satiated
• Do not do anything you can’t stand behind as your product proudly
Lord, I know you can make me stand upright and strong in that which you have called me to. I receive your grace today to parent and lead more intentionally and courageously. To stay cool-headed enough to be the “wise-man-in-the-room” when the occasion calls for it.
Amen.
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