Was Jesus a friend of sinners? Maybe. But … does it matter?
In the journey of life, we veer off so very often. We all need quick course corrections to maintain the integrity of our jouneys.
Forget the son. The father was the real prodigal
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Lessons from Aaron: Navigating Leadership and Parenting Concerns
“Finally, he turned to Aaron and demanded, ‘What did these people do to you to make you bring such terrible sin upon them?’ ‘Don’t get so upset, my Lord,” Aaron replied. ‘You yourself know how evil these people are. They said to me, ‘Make us gods who will lead us. We don’t know what happened to this fellow Moses, who brought us here from the land of Egypt.’ So I told them, ‘Whoever has gold jewelry, take it off.’ When they brought it to me, I simply threw it into the fire—and out came this calf!’”
Exodus 32:21–24 NLT
Exodus 32 is a very upsetting chapter. Aaron was left for a brief moment to deputize. Like every delegation, it was a call to a higher office and leadership. Leadership is much like parenting, and nothing mirrored parenting as much as the leadership role God had called Moses to. Moses had rightly asked God, “Did I bear these people? Am I their parent?”
Children will demand what is not good for them, whine, and throw tantrums. You have to be strong enough not to give in. Aaron gave in. His request of Moses, “Don’t get upset, my Lord,” reminds me of a viral video where a child was pleading with the parent who was enraged because of what the boy had done, “Be calming down, be calming down.”
Aaron’s explanation of what happened betrays even his difficulty in making sense of what he did. He said, “I simply threw it into the fire—and out came this calf!” Really? Moses was on point to ask him, “What did these people do to you to make you…” Parenting and leadership can be so draining sometimes that the world can seem completely unhinged. One can get to that point where you are forced to cry out, “Am I the only one?” Moses once protested to God concerning his “parenting” and leadership roles: “If that is how you want to treat me, just kill me” (Num. 11:15). At such points, emotional laziness sets in, and following that, there is often a flood of irresponsible decisions. Actions to excuse one from the concerns and pressures of the moment. It is like lies that offer us an immediate way of escape—another “present help in times of trouble.” The real trouble, however, is that the trouble is only pushed forward and nitro-fueled. Never solved.
Ephesians 6:10 commands us to “be strong in the Lord.” Everyday tasks call for their share of challenges (Jesus said that much). They can wear one out. Paul challenges parents, children, and slaves alike to be strong at their various points of engagement with society. Those are the places where we get chipped off bit by bit until the pulp shielding our nerves is exposed. Irritability, frustration, and throwing in the towel happen, and then they stroll in and take their seats. We look for a path of least resistance and zero stress, if ever. Paul admonishes, be strong! Do not back down, and yet, do not fly off the handle.
I remember an occasion when we had a fire outbreak in our house. The room where the fire started was engulfed. Everything was burning, and the smoke was so thick that one could only see a few feet when we knew such was happening behind a closed door. My 3-year-old son was in that room and could have died either from the fire or the smoke. He was the only thing that was not burning in that room when we opened the door. Where was I at the time? I was pacing up and down in frustration and fixated—to my shame—on the fire, the loss, and what role my son might have played in causing the fire. After all, he was alone in the room.
The desire for heartache-free leadership and the utopian wish to parent the perfect and ever-obedient child are sad delusions we indulge in now and then. I was oblivious to the miracle my family was granted that day. To lose our courage and cool at such times as leaders or parents is not only irresponsible, it is dangerous. At such critical moments, we lose the wise-one-in-the-room advantage. If ever there is anything required of parenting and leading, it is to be an anchor at such times—to fight the natural drift to succumb to a devilish manipulation or to rain down an inferno. The sustained capacity to make quality and sound decisions every time is a non-negotiable posture for parenting and leadership.
To lose our courage and cool at such times as leaders or parents is not only irresponsible, it is dangerous. At such critical moments, we lose the wise-one-in-the-room advantage.
Aaron’s ordeal leaves me with the following lessons:
• Be strong, and keep your head so you can stand on the day of battle
• Grow some resilience
• Do not be tired to stand your ground
• Never give in to stupid, irresponsible, and dangerous decisions just so the child will stop his or her tantrums, or so that a difficult colleague or subordinate will comply. Such manipulation, once served, will not be satiated
• Do not do anything you can’t stand behind as your product proudly
Lord, I know you can make me stand upright and strong in that which you have called me to. I receive your grace today to parent and lead more intentionally and courageously. To stay cool-headed enough to be the “wise-man-in-the-room” when the occasion calls for it.
Amen.
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Navigating the Pitfalls of Ministerial Privilege: Balancing Access and Service
The minister or the priest is a conduit of privileges, power, and solutions, acting as a vital bridge between God or the king and those in need. The potential for misuse of this privileged position is very high, tempting individuals to prioritize personal gain over effective service. True service for the minister, however, lies in empathizing with the community he or she was sworn in to serve, akin to Jesus’ enduring connection with the world through its adversities. Maintaining proximity to the individuals they serve and working to understand their struggles deeply strengthens effective ministry. The capacity to grasp the emotions and challenges of those in need is essential for the man or woman who comes forward to intercede for people before God.
However, some might claim a special ministry for the rich only. Maybe, but the truth is that the rich have access—often unfettered access—to power, privilege, favor, and solutions. Technically, you could say they have access to God and the king. Some health conditions are considered death sentences in some parts of the world because of the lack of access to healthcare, and for that, the minister must seek heaven for healing to happen. However, in some parts of the world, healthcare delivery is so advanced that they do not even give such health concerns a second thought.
Of course, rich people have problems, for which they need God. But as a matter of speaking, for most of the other things for which the poor cry, they can find their way around the sources of solution. Of course. God is not prejudiced against the rich. Deliberately, He ensures that the poor are given a fair chance to access Him. As ministers, we should commit to understanding and sharing in the people’s burdens, particularly the constant pain of the poor. Though the rich also cry, the minister’s focus should align with the pulse of the city and the struggles of the marginalized. Ministry, by its nature, should not segregate the wealthy; it should provide access to power, privilege, and solutions for all. However, ministering to the rich has its perks. Who would not want to minister in a setting where the honorarium could buy you a new car? Compare that to another place where the honorarium is a handshake in the pastor’s office and a repeated thank-you. And it gets worse: think of the missionary who is ministering among hostile people who would rather poison him after he has endured untold hardship just to get to them. The minister who understands his or her calling knows it is a sacrifice, just as it was for the Lord Jesus.
The sons of Eli portrayed what the minister should not be. They used their office for personal gain. Unlike Jesus the High Priest, who said He did not come to be served but to serve. To underscore how critical this issue is, as Jesus was ending his inaugural fast into public ministry, the devil’s first temptation for Him was for Jesus to use His access to power and take care of Himself—His hunger. That sounds innocent, and do remember that the devil would not have appeared to Him with horns. It could have just passed as a thought in His head, just as it is for us. If Jesus did not see what was wrong with that and turned a pebble into a piece of bread, the next would have been to use the power to get a house. After all, Jesus once mentioned that “Foxes have dens and birds have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head.” Though we have access to power, privilege, wealth, and solutions, as ministers and priests, we should release them so frequently and rapidly that we become effectively nothing but tunnels and conduits, connecting solutions to a needy world. So, when you point one end of the tube to someone with the solution, the channel is not designed to empty into you and stop there. That is how the Dead Seas are made. The true ministry remains authentic in the fact that it is channeling care to where it is needed. That is why, as a minister, you are, first and foremost, an intercessor. Jesus ran His ministry, such that, though He attracted the rich and met their needs, everyone knew they had access to Him. The leper, the prostitute, the fisherman, the beggar—everyone. Such thoroughfare and an open-door policy will make it impossible for a valve to dam the delivery channel or for you to get obese.
The commitment to remain accessible defines ministry from Jesus’ perspective. The commitment not to hold back. The commitment to be touched by those with little access to the source of solutions. It is the sort of commitment that says, “Freely you receive, freely you give.” Such commitment levels the ground as a poor person approaches. It doesn’t humiliate or embarrass them. Jesus brought himself down to the place of a baby, born to poor parents. So poor, He was born in a manger, and shepherds, the lowest in the economic ranking of first-century Palestine, were the first to have access to the King of the universe. By the way, angles had to alert them to make that courtesy call. That is our commitment to accessibility and availability.
Jesus ran His ministry, such that, though He attracted the rich and met their needs, everyone knew they had access to Him. The leper, the prostitute, the fisherman, the beggar—everyone.
Nik Ripken highlights three phases of the church: pre-Pentecostal, Pentecostal, and post-Pentecostal. The concern arises in the post-Pentecostal phase, where the church, having become rich, risks losing its essence as it marches on its “church growth” path while pursuing the wrong things. The comfort and ease of this era betrayed the church into complacency and theological death. Ripken believes that for the church to stay Pentecostal, it must stay witnessing, cutting into the frontiers. To do that means persecution. Ripken writes (The Insanity of Obedience, pp. 28–29):
“As we struggled to understand the persecutors and persecution, we were led to a greater comprehension of the nature of good and evil. Representing the forces of evil, Satan strives to deny entire people groups and nations access to Jesus. It became clear in our interviews that the ultimate goal of the persecutors is always to deny people access to Jesus, and our interviews indicated that persecutors would do whatever was necessary to reach that goal. Persecutors seek to deny human beings the two great spiritual opportunities: first, access to Jesus and, second, opportunity for witness.”
Opulence is not a key performance indicator for a minister of God. Instead what matters is how he or she converts his or her access to the source of power and solutions to effective intercession and practical help for the world yet to be reached by the love of Christ. The church can grow in connection and network without necessarily growing in opulence. Stagnating in the frontier expansion of the Kingdon (not denominational expansion by sheep stealing) while accumulating wealth is a metric that reeks of a lost focus. The cause is a disconnect from the pains of a hurting world, a persecuted church, and those still unreached with the gospel. The ministry must focus on acquiring and releasing resources, not hoarding them.
Opulence is not a key performance indicator for a minister of God. Instead what matters is how he or she converts his or her access to the source of power and solutions to effective intercession and practical help for the world yet to be reached by the love of Christ.
In this season of Ramadan, we have yet another opportunity to reconnect with the template left by our Lord Jesus. He chose accessibility over affluence, taking a social posture that made Him fully available to all, irrespective of their societal status. This season of prayer for Muslims prompts reflection on our marginalized and persecuted Christian brothers and sisters who suffer and lack access to resources. It prompts reflection on the need for tough-hearted believers who will stand with them in those lands until the image of the Son of Righteousness is burned into the hearts of those still alien to Christ’s love. It prompts us to reconsider our budgets: money, time, etc., and factor in what ministry will look like in such places, and how we can be a part of it. It prompts us to consider what it will take to reach the destitute and the prostitute by the street corner with the love of Christ.
To be close to power, wealth, and solutions is a privilege. We are entrusted with access. Access to the one who is the mediator of the new covenant. To keep it from the very people that need it the most, but lavish it among those who we reckon merit our presence, our privileged kind, is grand nepotism. We must honor God by deploying His resources as He intends. We must transcend the cravings for personal gains. The call is to be conduits of care and solutions, thinking less of ourselves and more about the collective extension of God’s kingdom.
Click here to download a PDF guide to join the 30 Days of Prayer for the Muslim World.
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Navigating the Beauty Minefield: A Guide for Married Men
Generated with Gencraft Welcome to an exploration of the delicate balance between a healthy marriage and the allure of external beauty. King Solomon’s age-old reflection regarding a man’s interactions with a woman finds relevance in the challenges faced by married men today. Adultery remains a common cause of divorce, with 35% attributed to husbands’ unfaithfulness in a particular study. This statistic underscores the pressing need for married men to control their sexuality to preserve their marriages.
In romantic gestures, husbands often declare their wives as the most beautiful in the universe—the prime embodiment of feminine beauty. While this sentiment is crucial for maintaining a healthy romance in a marriage, it should be seen as an exclusive, heartfelt expression among lovers rather than an absolute truth, just like a pastor would invite you to join him to “welcome the best choir in the world,” and even the choirmaster knows they did not even make the competition. Well, you know better than to tell that to your wife. Nonetheless, men sometimes idealize their wives to the point of believing they are the only ones who can entice them. Shockingly, 26% of married men commit adultery, and there are other statistics that indicate that up to 50% of marriages are riddled with infidelity, revealing the stark gap between this idealization and reality. Acknowledging the feminine figure’s natural beauty, irrespective of who it is, when ignored, contributes to the origin of this marital quagmire.
Adultery becomes an issue often due to a lack of honesty and self-awareness. Sadly, male sexuality and romance are hardly topics for discussion, making self-awareness a far cry and, worse, a dangerous adventure. As a young man and early in my marriage, I told myself that nothing bad would happen to me, even if I were in a room full of naked women or if I watched pornographic material. That was naivety raised to power 10. The very careless naivety that lands most married men in trouble. Such recklessness is what breeds the elephant in the room—pornographic addiction, a scourge even among religious leaders. The “Me Too” movements are as rampant as they are because a guy was naïve about what could happen, or was well aware, but had a reckless, conceited belief in his ability to exercise self-control. Risky and ineffective boundary management. Another scandal and a heartbreak because a man ignored the seductive power of the woman in the lift with him or pretended she did not count. As married men, we must acknowledge that women are anatomically and biologically designed to attract men. The man who ignores this fact or pretends it is nonconsequential risks turning himself into a rat in a pen of hungry street cats. Apostle Paul’s simple warning: “Flee!”
…women are … designed to attract men. The man who ignores this fact or pretends it is nonconsequential risks turning himself into a rat in a pen of hungry street cats. Apostle Paul’s simple warning: “Flee!”
Acknowledging that other women are attractive and can entice me doesn’t diminish my love and devotion to my wife; on the contrary, it serves as a reminder for me to be vigilant. It positions me to treat my secretary, my co-worker, my next-door neighbor, the vulnerable lady who is ready to give anything to have a problem sorted, and indeed any other lady within my immediate space, with the courtesy and respect they deserve. Interestingly, and often, the woman that the man is lusting after is not necessarily more beautiful than the man’s wife. Therefore, it is not really about a particular woman’s beauty as much as it is that the species called woman, however she is shaped, attracts men. Period! A thoughtful man therefore humbly acknowledges that one can easily increase the 26% statistic. Responsible behavior involves setting clear boundaries for my heart and my eyes and implementing safeguards. I tell myself the truth: I cannot scoop smoldering coals into my laps, or eyes, for that matter, and expect not to be burned. In addition to guarding my heart and eyes and living responsibly, I must foster open communication with my wife and work at staying satisfied with her. The woman outside becomes a factor to contend with when there is a breakdown of communication between the couple. Stressed out from the hassles of the day and weighed down by conflicts, even if they are slow-burn ones, at home, men become super susceptible to yearning to look at the other woman. You are less likely to desire a snack if you leave home feeling full.
You are less likely to desire a snack if you leave home feeling full.
In summary, steering clear of beauty minefields in marriage is not about choosing to live like a hermit, unscathed by the world. It requires profound self-awareness, growing effective pillow talk in your marriage, conscious commitment to fidelity, and responsible behavior toward other women. As married men, we can navigate challenges by appreciating beauty while reaffirming our commitment to our wives. No need for beauty pageants here; your wife is the best choice for you! Together, let’s avoid the beauty minefield and cultivate lasting love in our marriages. In doing so, we set out on a path of intentional fidelity and admiration for our wives, cherishing the unique beauty each of us has within the commitment of our marriages.
I appreciate that this is just a part of the discussion. But then, it is not yet a discussion if we have not heard from you. So, do send in your comments. I would love to read your take on this and more as we get this conversation going. Also, while at it, please consider subscribing to the website to receive future articles and posts.
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Prompts et al: The New Creativity
Seven Ways to Stay Ahead with AI
Generated with Fotor
Humans walked anywhere they needed to go in the beginning. After realizing that certain animals were stronger and faster runners, they eventually took the risk of mounting some of them and used others to pull the plow and carry their cargo. Nonetheless, they faced difficulties, such as the horse’s refusal to allow anyone to sit on it and steer it. On the other hand, certain quick-witted guys learned how to break the horse, mount it, and make it submit.
Years later, a few other clever people invented a motor-powered carriage. That necessitated acquiring new skills. One was learning how to drive and use this new device, which made moving around easier for humans.
Every system-improving innovation will inevitably lead to skill gaps, system and technical obsolescence, and human and skill redundancies. There is now a structure in place that will deliver more effectively. Champions under the previous system run the risk of becoming outdated due to the obsolescence of their skills. They frequently grow skeptical and look on with contempt as the new system takes over because of their cherished familiarity and sacred knowledge of the previous one. The onboarding period for new systems will result in several skill gaps as old ones are retired, particularly for the new skill sets required to interact with the new system.
To take advantage of everything the new system has to offer, early adopters dive headfirst into it and create entirely new skill sets. Additionally, there are more opportunities for these early adopters to gain from the new system. The more the needed skill sets to drive the new system are lacking, the more opportunities there are.Some Prompts to Get Started
- What fresh competencies is the AI revolution requiring?
- What level of disruption can we expect, at least in your sector?
- How can you take advantage of these disruptions?
- What skill set adjustments are you making to improve yourself and stay ahead?
Whether artificial intelligence will shape our era is no longer up for debate. The conversation now is how soon you will learn to ride this new horse because it will be very different from simply trekking
Seven Essentials to Harness AI
Learn the New Language, AI-nese
Artificial intelligence still relies on humans to learn until it reaches general intelligence. That being said, what your astute AI will serve you is some vomit that has been regurgitated. Saying that you shouldn’t trust your AI is incorrect. To be able to give instructions to your AI and understand its feedback, you must become more intelligent than it is. Otherwise, you run the risk of depending on it while it depends in part on information and data from your disagreeable neighbor.
To fully utilize artificial intelligence’s powers, one must learn how to prompt AI. Understanding how to craft precise and contextually relevant prompts enables you to elicit accurate and meaningful responses from AI models. A well-written prompt directs the model to produce the intended result, increasing productivity and customizing the interaction to your requirements. This ability is essential for utilizing AI in various fields, such as natural language processing and problem-solving, since it enables you to formulate questions and assignments in a way that is compatible with the model’s capabilities, which in turn improves the worth of your interactions with AI systems.
Remember, AI is Not God
Google contested the God title so much that Google Home once said it didn’t know who Jesus was. You do not know Google if you do not appreciate how unyielding it is. “Everyone” worldwide, especially Gen Z, irrespective of religious affiliation, would consult Google to confirm or validate their spiritual leaders. For many, Google is their chief medical consultant. If a teacher has not experienced humiliation at the hands of a student because Google presented an opposing viewpoint, then the teacher is probably not engaging the students sufficiently. Yet, Google is just an infant AI. If Google commands us to ask it everything and we unwittingly ask it for permission before we act, AI tools and platforms would do much more.
If Google commands us to ask it everything and we unwittingly ask it for permission before we act, AI tools and platforms would do much more.
The world run by adult AI will see a lot of democratized digital gods. Therefore, choose wisely who you follow.
Master AI Ethics and LegalitiesGaining a diverse skill set is essential to navigating the tricky maze of AI ethics and laws. Learn about the laws and rules that control artificial intelligence, including those about data protection and industry-specific compliance requirements. Maintain up-to-date knowledge of developing ethical standards and legal advancements in artificial intelligence. Focus on accountability, transparency, and fairness as you engage the revolving wheels of AI ethics and legalities. Keep pace with the developments in legislative quarters around AI. Stay original as much as you can afford. With the growing blurriness around copyright concerns, originality still counts. Learn how to build on AI-generated assets.
Retool With and Integrate AITo fully utilize the revolutionary power of AI, deliberate retooling is required. Even though Google announced their AI plans before every other person, they are slow in integrating what they have on their search engine platform – Google. Smaller groups and even completely new startups are making AI their default setup. Perhaps Google is planning something big. However, such slow deployment is what you and I cannot afford.
Start by trying out the various AI tools that are launched every day. Most of them have free versions and plans. Learn their unique strengths and weaknesses. Then decide which one(s) will serve you the best for the task you want to use them for. You can also enroll in courses and earn certifications to set you apart as an expert in a specific AI idea or application. Work together with AI specialists and enthusiasts. Yaba AI Hub, moderated by INSDEC at Lagos, is one example of such a peer-learning center. Keep up with the latest developments in your area of interest. Keep learning.
AI Will Not Deliver Soft SkillsSoft skills like empathy, openness, and skillful communication are essential in today’s AI world to improve your proficiency with this game-changing technology. Although technical expertise will be demanded because AI will make excuses for poor grammar, typos, and poorly done PowerPoints a thing of the past, soft skills, on the other hand, will depend on our individual capacities to deliver. Though technical competence, which AI can help with, can get us spots in the workplace, without the necessary soft skills, we will lose such spots.
In addition, understanding and tackling the ethical issues surrounding AI require empathy. Because of the highly disruptive nature of such a fast-evolving technology, operators and innovators must build with a human-centric perspective. The majority of Generation X will retire in the next eight to twenty-five years. For most of the later part of their work lives, they have battled to adjust to the challenges posed by the advances of digital technology in the workplace. Thanks in part to Millennials’ and Gen Z’s insatiable appetite for such technologies. The AI revolution will make that problem worse. Aya A calls it the Digital Technology Gap. There must be an intentionality to serve new workplace expectations with a generous dose of soft skills. There must be care to foster collaboration, establish trust in AI systems, and insist on a culture of transparent communication in onboarding and explaining complicated AI concepts to a range of audiences. You and I will still be needed to deliver the emotional intelligence, empathy, resilience, negotiation, and persuasion skills needed in the workplace. AI will not do those. AI may give you tips and even help you prepare the PowerPoints for your presentation, but you have to stand before the panel to make that presentation. Employers may no longer look at the smartness of your presentations, visuals, and reports. It will soon be taken for granted that AI does that for everyone. The focus will now be on the other things your humanity brings to the table.
Remain the Craftsman
When it comes to people, AI is a tool, just like a pencil can replace a piece of chalk or a power drill can replace a traditional hammer and nail. Like these instruments, AI acts as a technical enabler, increasing productivity and opening up new avenues. It is improving our human talents, enabling more complex and subtle problem-solving. Just like a power drill enhances a craftsman’s ability to deliver accurately and with speed rather than detracting from it, AI functions as a boost to human intelligence and potential. Getting the best out of AI requires that we appreciate that we control whatever AI tools we use and decide their impact. While we should use them to spark innovation and even execute most of it, we must remain the innovators.
Do not Outsource Decision-making
Closely related to the need to remain in the driver’s seat as craftsmen, decision-making cannot be outsourced to AI. If the system would depend on you to make those decisions, then you and I must be “better” than the AI. We must use the AI tools in a way that demands that we are aware that we know better. The decisions taken are our responsibility. We must vet every suggestion the AI tool gives us. While you should appreciate the speed and efficiency it offers, the buck stops with you.
Bill Gates talks about a future run by “agents.” One’s decisions can be left entirely to these super-intelligent agents. That is understandable because of their superior computing speed. These are artificial “beings” that will know you better than you and may be able to make smarter and more logical decisions for you than you can. Until then, and as we decide how much to outsource to them, the bots and Ais we have for now do not know enough to make all the decisions for us.
Finally,
Even though AI is capable of doing so much, it is still important to develop our core competencies and talents in those areas that AI cannot replace. Knowing the nuances of AI technologies, and especially how to prompt, will enable us to use them more skillfully, guaranteeing the best results and debugging when needed. Furthermore, human oversight is necessary for assessing complex data, reaching decisions, and dealing with unforeseen difficulties that AI might not be able to precisely handle. Gaining proficiency in AI-related jobs will also make us more useful team members since we will be able to steer the application of AI in ways that best suit the requirements of our various businesses and workflows and seamlessly incorporate them into our unique organizational cultures. Constant skill development guarantees flexibility in a rapidly changing technological environment, enabling us to keep ahead of changes and make significant contributions to the changing roles and responsibilities in an AI-driven workplace. Most importantly, a truly human touch is all the more needed in a world where the click of the mouse may make competence, diligence, and hard work seem worthless.
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October 31st
The Protest
October 31st, a conflict-laden date with religious reverberations, it’s important to remember its multifaceted significance. This date, associated with Halloween in modern times, carries a rich history that goes beyond the costume parties and trick-or-treating.
Five centuries ago, on October 31, 1517, Martin Luther, a German priest, sparked a transformation in the Christian world. Luther’s bold act of posting his 95 Theses on the door of the Castle Church in Wittenberg, Germany, challenged the prevailing practices of the Catholic Church. He decried the sale of indulgences, a means to absolve sins and escape purgatory and hell, which he found both theologically flawed and corrupt. Luther’s actions led to his excommunication and marked the beginning of the Protestant Reformation, reshaping the course of Christian history.
Despite this rich history, October 31st is now more widely associated with Halloween, a holiday with pagan representations. Interestingly, and perhaps by design or coincidence, Netflix releases The Origin: Madam Koi Koi, a Nollywood horror story, of course, based on the dead and the spirits, today, 31st October 2023. An apt treat.
The Britannica however says of Halloween to be a
contraction of All Hallows’ Eve, a holiday observed on October 31, the evening before All Saints’ (or All Hallows’) Day
These Catholic holidays were historically linked to the sale of indulgences, and Luther’s choice of October 31st for his protest may have been a deliberate attempt to challenge the Church’s practices.
It’s All in the Name
All Saints’ Day or “All Hallows Day,” “Hallowed Evening” or “Holy Day,” the transition from “All Hallows’ Eve” to “Halloween” is a complex one, with various symbols and traditions adopted over time. Perhaps expressions of pagan worship to appease the dead, the spirits, and the gods when the Fall season gives way to Winter. In some parts of the global Church, however, October 31st is still celebrated as the day the reformation started and, in some places, it is called the Reformation Day. The core principles of the Reformation, encapsulated in the Five Solas:
- Grace alone
- Faith alone
- Christ alone
- Scripture alone
- The glory to God alone
continue to influence evangelical and charismatic churches today.
Perhaps it does not mean much. After all, Paul admonished that no day is holier than the other (Rom. 14:5). No need to make a fuss of any, or of this one. I can’t help but wonder though, if something needs to be celebrated on this day, what should it be?
Halloween is pictured as an innocent fun-time. The level of its acceptance in mainstream societies across the world is attested to by a whopping $9.1 billion industry in 2017 according to USA Today. Of course, this is USA data, and that figure is only surpassed by the staggering 93% of Americans (according to NCA Survey) that celebrate Halloween. The many people who are unaware of its origins, meaning, purpose, and possible impartation.
Take It or Leave It
It is easy to imagine the spread of this super-evasive religious celebration passing as a pop culture across different countries of the world. Some of us may already be doing a good job at shielding our children from the “fun” and whatever else it portends. The majority of us, may just not know. More so, in the spirit of the holidays by the corner: Thanksgiving, Christmas, Hanukkah, New Year, Diwali, etc., for which everyone is “invited,” keeping ourselves and our children away may just seem very un-neighborly. Besides this is one time of the year that we get to connect with other people in our communities.
So, the question is:
What should we do? What can we do?Of course, a no-participation policy as a family is an option. However, it will be challenging in a place like the United States with an estimated 93% involvement. On the other hand, if you feel you could or should, these are a few suggestions:
- Create a teaching moment out of the season. Education is a winner all the time. Instead of allowing the children to approach the season unsure of what to make of the scary motifs, help them engage the season with a curious commitment. Perhaps a research project.
- Use the spirit and death theme of the holiday to tell your own story. After all, what Luther was protesting against was hinged around death: the Church making money from Death. Perhaps in an age where it’s becoming increasingly difficult to talk about such, Halloween and October 31st may allow us to touch on these sore subjects under the cover of a themed holiday. That is what the producers of Young Sheldon, an American show did in one of their episodes.
- Sophia Bricker writing for Christianity.com, notes a few ways Christians can engage the holiday while avoiding the occult. Her list includes “passing out tracts with candy, choosing costumes that exemplify goodness and truth, participating in a trunk-or-treat event at church, doing a prayer walk, and thanking God for His loving gifts.”
- Doctrinal topics on heaven and hell, death and resurrection, angels and demons, the spirit world, and the supernatural, are often difficult to teach or discuss, even from the pulpit. This can be a good time to engage the Church with such topics.
- Take each of the themes of the scary Halloween and give it a nice God-honoring and children-friendly look. Like the pumpkin can be carved differently. Make the costumes to say more of what will inspire positively, etc.
The possibilities for celebrating October 31st in a way that aligns with one’s beliefs are endless. Of course, the internet is awash with ideas. What are you doing this Halloween? What can you still do? How can you navigate October 31st to celebrate something more authentic, life-giving, and freeing? How can you reform October 31st? After all, Halloween … or is it Hallows’ Eve, is about saints, reformed souls, if you will. The Reformation Day itself. A good thing to celebrate indeed.
– Patrick Anyanwu
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A Choice to Shred
Carles Rabada on Unsplash I sat on my bed, gazing at my laptop. Or perhaps it was gazing at me. “Write something. Anything!” it summoned. This was not a writer’s block. My mind was simply overcharged. I felt like a pressure cooker with a faulty valve. All churnings and steam trapped in. I knew instinctively how bombs were made. In my mind, I also pictured the loosely bolted and wearied wheels of an overloaded book cart noisily rolling down an uneven cobblestone road to “let off” some books by a dirt heap. “That is not me!” I protested.
But how could my heart feel so full? So… run-out-of-space? I stack my books neatly, like one defragmenting a hard drive. Like a well-manicured bookshelf, I am careful to arrange the happenings of my day: the good, the hurts, and the ambiguities in very nice piles. Sortable piles. Like a robot, I can retrieve the files that have my wife’s disrespectful attitude from ten years ago and my boss’ indiscretion five days back. I do feel proud of my organizational skill. And to be honest, I do not hate the people in those files or any other person for that matter. I love them. The only problem is that the holding bay, my heart, is bursting at the seams. And worse, I feel poisoned with a smoldering, mind and pen crippling venom. How in the world did I get here?
“…live a life worthy of the calling …. Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.”
Ephesians 4:1,2Superb last phrase. And that has been my basis for “stacking,” even the hurts and the pains. Those were meant to be trashed. Bearing or forbearing, it appears is meant to help me make allowance for my subordinate’s insolence of yesterday and how he may treat me tomorrow. A mechanism to help me shift my perceptions so that other people and their idiosyncrasies can find room in my otherwise choking world. My everyday, all-purpose holding bay. That is just what it is meant to be. Somewhere and sometime, the experience is supposed to be sorted so that I can make sense of the situation, and then ship it out.
The challenge, however, is that all it achieves is to serve as a place to store, sort, defragment, and stack the files on my hard drive—my heart, the source of my life’s issues. The pressure valve is spoiled, and I do not get to vent what has been processed. Could that be what people perceive and mean when they say that Patrick has a large and accommodating heart? And do not get me wrong. I think it is a good thing. We are asked to “make allowance for each other’s faults” (Col. 3:13a). However, my problem is that I stop there, it seems. The second part of that passage says “and forgive anyone who offends you” (Col. 3:13b). But I have mistaken the first part, making room, for forgiveness.
Forgiveness is what I do when I trash things. When I remove things from storage, pull them out of the archive and shred them permanently. I am learning that though I have a great capacity to bear and forbear, the files are not meant to sit in the archives forever, nor does forbearance automatically translate to forgiveness. Forbearance helps us to manage the day and all that it brings; forgiveness helps us to clean out the room so that tomorrow will start on a fresh note. Perhaps that is what my mind needs after all, for the ink to start flowing again.
I am learning that though I have a great capacity to bear and forbear, the files are not meant to sit in the archives forever, nor does forbearance automatically translate to forgiveness.
Lord, I can’t wait to exhale. Help me find the courage today to step over the threshold of forbearance and shred those stacks permanently. Amen.
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Acknowledging God, Anger, Communication, Counsel, Crisis Management, Decision making, Forgiveness, Offense, Relationship, Resilience, Spiritual resilience, temptation
The Anatomy of Offense
There are two things that most of us love to speak against but secretly crave: sugar and offense. Sugar, we sneak into our breakfast cereal, pancakes, and morning coffee disguised as monk fruit blends, agave nectar, or maple syrup. For offense, we have nobler labels: “speaking my truth,” “setting boundaries,” or the knock-out line, “I just find it interesting that…”
We hate to think that we are offended. We sense that our calm is ruffled when we acknowledge offense. “I am not angry, I’m just sad,” we explain. But we feel offended more often than we would like to acknowledge.
Strip away the hashtags validating offense on social media as something the enlightened do and the therapist’s confirmatory opinion dressed up as intervention, and offense humps stark-naked, primitive. It’s what happens when my pain points collide with your actions, or inaction. The sting of embarrassment, the bruise to my ego, the ache of unmet expectations—all rise, demanding satisfaction and validation. And because I am, I feel entitled—building a full-blown legal case in the courtroom of my mind, where I am both plaintiff and judge. “You are guilty, and the sentence is eternal exile from my good graces,” I rule, and the need for that ruling is existential.
offense. …It’s what happens when my pain points collide with your actions, or inaction. The sting of embarrassment, the bruise to my ego, the ache of unmet expectations—all rise, demanding satisfaction and validation.
Pain, Anger, and the Tomato
Pain does not disguise itself. Prick yourself with a thorn in the bush, and you don’t build a conspiracy theory against the bush. You may yell in pain, maybe do a little pain dance, holding the affected part of the body, and probably mutter some curses at the bush – if you are given to taking full advantage of your fundamental human rights as far as freedom of speech is concerned. But that ends there. The next time, chances are that you will most likely avoid that bush. Pain is blunt, instant, and frank. Anger, on the other hand, is pain headed to a court. It doesn’t just want acknowledgment or a vent; it wants a trial. It whispers, “This isn’t only hurt. This is injustice.” Like with the flip of a light switch, the courtroom flares up – raging hot.
Anger is what we have when the same prick of a thorn comes from a human instead of a bush. When I say with a boiling heart that “I can’t take that!” even though the actual sensation of pain has ceased, it is the temperament of my skin that is talking. With the thorn bush, it was a crocodile hide, with another human, it becomes the skin of an overripe tomato. Sensitive, touchy, tender, easily bruised. I feel things deeply. Sensitivity makes listening to Mozart beautiful, but it brews inconvenience when someone cuts me off in traffic or dismisses something I value. Sensitivity allows me to taste life’s sweetness, but it also magnifies the slightest scratch into a mortal wound. It makes the inconceivable and personally nauseating ideas of the talking head on TV irrelevant and almost amusing, but if the same were from my wife, it would take a week-long court session to know how we stand. Sensitivity is one of the special ingredients that turns pain into anger.
Escalating to Offense
A thorn will always prick us, and someone will always say something, even if unintentionally, that will hurt our pride. What follows is important, and the devil does not blink to take advantage of those moments.
Paul warns in Ephesians 4:26 & 27, “In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.” In the first part, he was quoting Psalm 4:4, and he captures the fact that once in a while, a thorn will prick us, or, like some translations put it, “When you are troubled,….” However, he warns, “do not give the devil a foothold.” The pain that got a face is the anger, and that can stop there. But when the anger lingers and festers, it turns to offense. The process that makes that happen is allowing the devil to put his foot in the door. All he is looking for is to incite distractions to lower our guard so that he can find access.
Sometimes it feels as though we have a moral duty to take offense. My daughter, responding to an earlier draft of this, remarked that letting a reason for offense slide “does make one feel lonely and unprotected at times.” She was right. There’s a peculiar ache in feeling denied validation; as if the absence of an apology hurts more than the original wound itself. Yet, the very nature of offense reveals that there is nothing objective or universal about it. To feel offended is, ultimately, a choice. Even the craving for validation – that second layer of pain – is still a subjective response.
In Western cultures, where the leaning is towards individualism, expressing outrage is often framed as self-respect or moral courage. In collectivist cultures, like Asia and Africa, where honor and shame are big issues, maintaining harmony may temper outrage. According to a study published in the National Library of Science, the US population boasts of 7%–11% of people who experience significant anger issues; Great Dallas LifeSkills reports that 65% of a study population say that the world is becoming an angrier place; and a USA traffic related study reports that 96% of drivers admit to road rage and also being at the receiving end of the same.
A casual globe-trotting observer will tell you that what constitutes offense in one place may leave people unfazed in another. Cultural contexts shape perception, revealing that offense is as much about our expectations as about reality. An interracial couple had a fall-out because the man took some biscuits that he bought for his wife without her express permission. He could not understand why such would offend her. Even within the same culture, individual preferences can create room for offense.
The Economics of Offense
In the legal world, they call it “ambulance chasing.” Emotionally, we could call it “offense chasing.” One slight, one careless word, one cold look, and our minds draft complaints, subpoenas, and closing arguments. Every perceived wrongdoing becomes a case: cashing in on sympathy, moral superiority, or social capital.
Seated in our hearts lies a curious craving: to paint someone else guilty and absolve ourselves. Entitlement and offense dance together. One whispers, “I deserve recognition,” the other shouts, “See! I’ve been wronged!” Together, they create drama, combustible yet largely invisible. In a global legal economy that festers with civil lawsuits and damages claims, your insurance agents and lawyers will teach you how to dodge the bullet. No, they school you on how to feign injury and stay offended. Truth is subjective, and as long as you feel offended, then you are. You are free to feel entitled because you are entitled. A huge percentage of public advertisements: TV adverts and billboards in some parts of the world are for those who may want to claim personal damages. The system is rigged to make forgiveness alien. And in some cases, we throw in the supposedly dispassionate “It’s nothing personal.” I can get rich by being offended.
My Need for Resilience
Pain is a constant in our world, and offense from a festering anger is our hard-wired desire for “justice.” And since that is so, resilience cannot be just a trait. It should be part of our survival kit. Life bumps into our tomato skins constantly. Without resilience, every minor insult is bound to become a festering wound.
Isabel Allende writes, “We all have an unexpected reserve of strength inside that emerges when life puts us to the test.” Isabel may have spoken as a human, and the place of sheer will-power to contain our emotions. And she might be right. Psalm 119:165, however, admonishes, “Great peace have they which love thy law: and nothing shall offend them.” That’s resilience cast as more than just grit. It is anchored peace that is only possible for those who love the law of the Lord. Like a flexible bamboo, it sways, absorbing the force, then rising again.
Resilience is cultivated through humility, patience, and the refusal to let anger degenerate to offense and define us. Without it, “offended” becomes our identity. With it, offense is a passing storm in a bamboo field.
Closing the Door to the Devil
The devil invests a premium to have access to our personal space and our peace and he does not respect boundaries. The very reason we need to guard our hearts and relationships against strife.
Hebrews 12:14-15 says, “Follow peace with all men, and holiness, without which no man shall see the Lord: Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled.”
That is a call to action to put the conflict away. Cessation of war is a choice, and the book of Hebrews tells us that we have to “follow peace” to obtain it. The imagery is that of a ravaging beast persistently pushing at the door. The only option we have is to proactively keep that door shut.
“But you do not know what that guy did?” you scream. There is grace, Titus 2:11-12 tells us, enabling us to subdue that urge to feel offended. Our mandate is not to frustrate that grace (Galatians 2:21).
Forbear and Forgive
Another set of tools we have to prevent that thorn prick turning to offense is to choose to forbear. To bear the pain even before it happens and to give grace before it is needed. For Jesus, He did it “while we were yet sinners” (Romans 5:8). A commitment to make allowance in my heart for the people close to me helps me to allow them to be authentic, knowing that something they might do might potentially be displeasing.
Of course, sometimes, words ooze out, despite our decision to forbear. Therefore, Proverbs 10:19 reminds us, “In the multitude of words there wanteth not sin: but he that refraineth his lips is wise.” Post guards at your lips and corners of your heart to keep those words and actions from forcing their way through. At the point when the whole world would want Him to speak up and validate Himself, it is said of Jesus, “He was oppressed, and he was afflicted, yet he opened not his mouth: he is brought as a lamb to the slaughter, and as a sheep before her shearers is dumb, so he openeth not his mouth” (Isaiah 53:7).
Play the Fool Sometimes
“Do I look like a fool to you?” You may remember when you said something like that, or someone who did. The pain of feeling taken for a ride, used, oppressed, and cheated – and you have the power to show that you are not a fool; you are not dumb, like it is said of Jesus above – can be crushing. Paul wondered at the Corinthian Christians (1 Cor. 6:7), “(Why) can’t (you) allow yourselves to be cheated?” Paul, what planet are you from?
In Matthew 17:27, Jesus tells Peter, “But so that we may not cause offense, go to the lake and throw out your line. Take the first fish you catch; open its mouth and you will find a four-drachma coin. Take it and give it to them for my tax and yours.” He was choosing peace instead of screaming from across his side of the fence, “See you in court!”
Because we validate the feeling of offense as part of our fundamental human right, we not only anticipate and welcome it, but it makes ideas like “nothing shall offend them” (Psalm 119:165) an other-worldly concept. Though the system requires a level of offense and anger for someone to be counted as normal, the system is also quick to flash the reg flag once a threshold is reached. Once that point is crossed, offense and anger then become behavioral syndromes instead of sin, and medication and therapy instead of repentance are prescribed. When Cain was overtaken by anger, God warned him that sin was at the door. (Gen. 4:6-7). God did not recommend a therapy session. He called what was happening and what it could lead to, sin. Jesus defined murder as when we call someone, fool stemming from our anger (Matt. 5:21-22).
As we conclude, I hope you did not pick offense that this is a long read. Secondly, it is good to remind ourselves that offense is unavoidable and the people we’re close to: friends, family, and colleagues, will step on our toes. Maybe right after reading this. Whether we cry out, “Ouch! That hurts!” and just move on or hold it in until it turns into offense and we become resentful, vindictive, and opt for moral grandstanding is up to us.
Life will bruise the fragile overripe tomato skin of our sensitivity, yet with resilience, a forgivining heart, humility, a commitment to stay on the side of peace and do life as Jesus did, we can rise above the inner courtroom dramas. We recognize pain without giving it power, experience the suggestion of anger without opening the door even a very little bit to allow the devil a foothold, and feel hurt without demanding judgment. We can choose to align our hearts with God’s word. It says that if we love His word, nothing shall by any means offend us (Psalm 119:165 KJV).
Image Courtesy: Jason Hafso on Unspalsh
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Acknowledging God, Communication, Counsel, Decision making, Fear of God, Leadership, Obedience, Planning, Trust, Uncategorized
How to Plan Wisely: The Ultimate Factor in Your Decisions
A Guide to Building Plans That Truly Matter
Making plans is something we all do. Whether it is about career, relationships, finances, battles to fight or not, or the simple goals of daily life. Yet, no matter how well thought through our plans are, life has a way of reminding us that we are not fully in control. This tension between our intentions and the unforeseen, and sometimes converse, outcomes we experience raises an even deeper question: how do we bring wisdom, guidance, and a sense of higher purpose into the way we make decisions and plan?
“In all your ways acknowledge Him,” Proverbs 3:6 tells us. For the longest time, I wondered, what does that mean? Does it mean to pray, or just have some God-thoughts, or what, as I plan my “ways” today? Sometimes, I take solace in Proverbs 16:9: “In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps.” In my head, I reason, pick an agenda, and run with it. If it is not God, well, as Proverbs 16 says, God will not allow it to sail. But after a load of epic fails in my short life so far, I realize that might be too simplistic an interpretation.
So, what exactly does it mean to acknowledge God as I make decisions?
If God had an angel-clerk’s desk in a corner of my room and I could submit my written plans for His approval, and come back for His decision notification, that would be so easy, and so good. But that sounds so civil service. This is how acknowledging God in our ways and bringing Him into our plans looked like to my wife so many years ago: “God, I want to do so and so. Please help me so it will happen.” And off she goes with her “God-endorsed” plan.
Unlike my wife, at least she did “consult” God; there are those of us who do not bother to invite God into the planning process or the executions at all. And for some, it could just be that they do not even believe in God. In this piece, we will look at a few reasons why it is very reckless and foolish to plan without God and offer some tips on how we can acknowledge God in our plans.
Why Reckless:
1. We are Finite:
We are finite in knowledge. The best of us can only see just about the tip of his or her nose. The next hour, the next day are uncharted frontiers. Organizations would pay mammoth amounts to have such information. AI has assumed the ability to predict “tomorrow,” therefore, businesses buy into its massive capabilities to read patterns. But life does not always follow patterns and algorithms. James (4:13,14a) admonishes, “Now listen, you who say, ‘Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.’ Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow.”
The economies of our world are run on probabilities and permutations. Systems, processes, and experts that seem to have a hint about tomorrow become our demi-gods. We rely on them for the wisdom to tide through our world of existential uncertainty. That should be forgiven, even okay, if the one who designed, built, and manages the labyrinth of our world and the universe were not around as our tour guide also. Proverbs 3:5 counsels to “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.” It is as though all of Heaven screams, “Reckless, reckless! Don’t!” when they see us leaning on our fickle understanding.
2. The Delusion of Control:
While we have been given charge over God’s creation, (fun fact depending on how you see it, we’re not in charge) none of us is handed the codes that govern our lives, nor did we map the paths of the universe. Like Ecclesiastes 11:5 says, “As you do not know the path of the wind, or how the body is formed in a mother’s womb, so you cannot understand the work of God, the Maker of all things.” And Jeremiah (10:23) affirms, “Lord, I know that people’s lives are not their own; it is not for them to direct their steps.” Sounds to me like these scriptures are saying the best we can do is observe as things unfold.
Even when we misinterpret scriptures and arrogate so much power to ourselves, depending on the doctrine we choose to embrace, whether shamanism, new age self-worship, or Christian-colored self-deification, we are not law to ourselves. We are neither self-existent nor are we independent. We belong to someone, our maker. Think of the last 24 hours, what did you truly control?
Acknowledging God:
1. Pray
Submit to His guidance and leadership during planning and execution. Reach out for His input. The mere act of going down on our knees, figuratively and for real, is a posture of surrender. The judicial idea of prayer implies that one is at the mercy of the one who has the power and authority to answer that prayer. When we pray as we plan, we approach God with the same dependent posture.
Psalm 127:1 says, “Unless the Lord builds the house, the builders labor in vain. Unless the Lord watches over the city, the guards stand watch in vain.” That is so sobering. There is this puffed-up feeling that possesses us when we feel so inspired and see our plans plugging into place so precisely. Never fall into that trap. Always plan on bended knees.
2. Ask the WHY Question
The heart of man is deceitful. Even our best intentions might be propped by motives we’ll be shocked by when uncovered. Ask yourself, why am I doing this? These are some questions that can help dig out the why:
- How will this benefit God?
- Who gets the glory from this?
- How does this align with God’s mandate for me?
- What will go wrong in God’s agenda if this is not done?
- Who am I truly hoping will take note of this?
- What is driving this plan or decision – love, faith and service or fear, comparison and pride?
- What will I lose if this were not done?
Depending on the context, there are all sorts of probing questions in addition to the above that we can ask to discern where God is in our proposed plan. And in a way, getting that bit sorted out sets the stage for a good, God-directed planning. After all, He would always have a plan for His agenda.
We are neither self-existent nor are we independent. We belong to someone, our maker. Think of the last 24 hours, what did you truly control?
3. Stay Scripture-biased
One of the Five Solas that served as the bedrock of the Reformation was Sola Scriptura – Scripture Alone. And it states that the Bible alone is the supreme and final authority in all matters of faith and practice. One huge battle every person gets to fight is that of identity. When the devil told Eve that her eyes would be opened if she ate the fruit of the tree, and she would be like God, he was tossing the identity conflict at her. He was making her ask, “Who am I? Who can I become?” The same goes for the direct invitation to self-doubt that he threw at Jesus: Prove yourself. “If you are the son of God, …” Masked in every gas-lighting, identity conflict, or a reason to prove oneself, is always a sick agenda. In the case of Jesus, it was to use His power to serve Himself. Not a bad thing to take care of His hunger, after all, His fasting was over. However, that innocent but self-centered action would have invalidated His mission. Derailment is the devil’s objective every time.
Unlike Eve, Jesus appealed to only one line of reasoning. The Scripture: “It is written…” Eve gave thought to the idea put on the table by the devil and, by her subjective reasoning, concluded that it made sense and so did what the devil suggested. On the other hand, Jesus simply referred to the authority of the Scripture. It was not time to prove the devil wrong. It was not time to prove that He was strong and in control. It was not time to mirror and lean towards the suggestion on the table with a verse of Scripture picked out of context because bread, oh bread… will be sooo delicious at that moment.
There may be a million reasons to advance an idea or plan, but if it conflicts with the authority of the Scripture, throw it away. You would not be acknowledging God if you follow any of those paths.
4. Two Good Heads are Better Than One
Proverbs 15:22 says, “Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed.” Dietrich Bonhoeffer says in “Life Together,” “the Christ in my own heart is weaker than the Christ in the word of my brother; my own heart is uncertain, his is sure.” God did not design us to be autonomous and self-sufficient. He designed us for community. He would not, by design, want us to have all the solutions all by ourselves. Part of the truth and counsel that I need to succeed in what He has for me lies with some other persons.
Ecclesiastes 4:9 and 10 counsels that “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: if either of them falls down, one can help the other up.” Even though the passage is often applied to marriages, the principle applies to any form of partnership. More is better than one.
Of course, it is good to note that, as Psalm 1:1 cautions, who we join and from whom we seek counsel is equally important. It says,
“Blessed is the man
Who walks not in the counsel of the ungodly,
Nor stands in the path of sinners,
Nor sits in the seat of the scornful;”
Wise counsels are good and needful; nonetheless, temptations also present themselves as some form of counsel. So, be careful who is speaking into your mind and informing your plans, opinions, and choices.
5. Use Peace as a Compass:
Sometimes the plan we are considering is not an easy black and white to decipher if it is a God-plan or not. We might be presented with two or more equally good and godly choices and possible plans. One way to think of it is to assume that God may not mind whichever option we go with. And that may be true. A possible context might be a plan as to whom to marry. Every box for a good and godly spouse might check out, but of the two people, there can only be one. That is where that inner compass of peace, guarded in an attitude of prayer, comes in.
Colossians 3:15 admonishes, “Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful.” The imperative verb “let” suggests that we are to act. We are to make room for, allow the rule of peace. Literally, make the kingship of the peace of Christ, while making decisions and plans, serve as litmus tests. If King Peace of Christ is not seated on the throne of your heart, pause the action.
Another peace that we should seek as we plan is the peace with other stakeholders. Often, we may “feel at peace” with something we want to do, but every other person seems quite uneasy about it. James 3:17 highlights that “… the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere.” If the plan or decision that we are pursuing is stirring up strife and discord, it may be a red flag to take note of.
As I sign off, I commend you to an amazing time of planning and decision making. The plans that acknowledge God are not cantankerous, divisive, hateful, out to get the other person, undermining of other people’s peace, or primed for my welfare alone. They are plans that brew from hearts that know that God has a diary for each one of us, filled with details of our lives before we were born and He is ready to walk us through them as we consult with Him (Psalm 139:16).
As we step into the final quarter of 2025, and as you and your organization ink out plans and fly out, or stroll out, for strategic retreats, pause to reflect on the possibility that your personal and corporate plans could serve as a reflection of God’s greater purposes for the world around you.
Cover image courtesy: Nathan Dumlao on Unsplash
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Communication, courage, Crisis Management, Fear, Fear of God, Leadership, Moral fortitude in Christianity, Obedience, Overcoming fear, Relationship, Resilience, Spiritual resilience, temptation
Fear in Christianity
Understanding the Fear of God and Overcoming Others
Each time I look into the mirror, a scar reminds me of a childhood experience. While playing, I fell and got a deep cut beside my eyebrow. For the gazelle, the fear of becoming prey outweighs the fear of injuring its limbs as it makes the most frantic leaps of its life. I had so much endorphin in my system from the fear of another consequence that I never felt any pain from my split forehead. My friends and I put our “medical knowledge” to work. We worked so hard to stop the gushing blood by stuffing someone’s backyard dirt in the wound. When our expertise failed to deliver, we agreed it was time to go home. My friends disappeared in a puff, and I could not see clearly for the rest of the way home. The fear of meeting my father in that condition took away the sting from what should have been a pain.
Understanding Fear
The Cambridge Dictionary defines fear as
“an unpleasant emotion or thought that you have when you are frightened or worried by something dangerous, painful, or bad that is happening or might happen.”
Besides those who may have Urbach-Wiethe disease or other disorder that prevents them from having fear—much like leprosy and the inability to experience pain in infected tissues—we all have our share of fear. Even the “fearless” is only wearing a façade, serving as his or her first line of defense against a perceived threat. Fear is good. It is a psychoneurological response that helps us decide either to fight or to flee in the face of a threat. So we can embrace an otherwise painful situation to avoid what we consider a bigger pain.
Overcoming Fear
We can do all things, Paul tells us (Philippians 4:13). All we need is enough motivation—fear—to escape a particular situation. If we “fear” that thing or situation enough, we will do anything otherwise thought impossible to escape. The cheetah can outrun the gazelle by 18 miles per hour (29 km/h). One would assume that every hunt will land a kill. Not so. For the gazelle, the fear of becoming prey outweighs the fear of injuring its limbs as it makes the most frantic leaps of its life. Indeed, the Bible admonishes: “Save yourself like a gazelle from the hand of the hunter, like a bird from the hand of the fowler” (Prov. 6:5).
Living as a Christian can seem difficult.
- Resisting to escalate that misunderstanding with your spouse
- Resisting those tormenting seductions
- Resisting that unholy opportunity to make some dirty money
- Resisting the excuses not to lift a finger in the face of crushing need
- Resisting the urge to serve that ten-year-old, cold revenge
Temptations flood our lives every day, and we have to fight each of them off.
Joseph did not consent to Potiphar’s wife’s demand, and it was not so much because of Potiphar. As his response, he asked the woman, “How then could I do such a wicked thing and sin against God?” (Gen. 39:9).
David did not agree to kill Saul when he had the opportunity to do so in a cave, though his friends believed God gave his enemy into his hands. He declares: “The Lord forbid that I should do such a thing to my master, the Lord’s anointed, or lay my hand on him; for he is the anointed of the Lord” (1 Sam 24. 5-7).Spiritual Resilience and the Fear of God
In every situation, some motivation to keep our moral fortitude is needed to reap big in the long run. For Joseph and David, that motivation was God. For David, what was suggested did not make the shortlist. “The Lord forbid,” he said, and Joseph said, “How then could I… sin against God?”
The Bible urges us not to fear, offering this advice an average of once per day throughout the year. Proverbs 9:10 is one of the few times where something positive is associated with that word. “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom,” the verse declares. Choosing to fear God will dull other fears out of relevance. When I am mindful of the gravest cost of not fearing God—the cost of nondiscipleship, as Dallas Willard calls it in his book, The Spirit of the Disciplines—I will grow in resilience and rise above other pain points and the fears of them. And this fear of God is not the same as being afraid of God. There are no ill feelings, no sense of dread, shame, guilt, or endangerment.
Our reverence and respect for God give rise to the fear of God. It brings us in awe of Him and stirs our utmost for His highest. Unlike other fears, there’s warmth and a sense of safety. There’s the confidence in my strides, knowing I’m an ambassador of God. The fear is in my displeasure of whatever will cause me to come short of His pleasure. The fear is my healthy sense of responsibility knowing who I represent.
Saul’s fear and disobedience
Of course, our position is that everyone fears something. Compare David and Joseph with Saul, for instance. Saul confessed, “I have sinned. I violated the Lord’s command and your instructions. I was afraid of the men, and so I gave in to them.” (1 Sam. 15:24). Like Saul, we will obey who we fear. And we all do have who we fear. Some fear lacks. Some people fear that others will look down on them. Others fear discomfort. Some fear that their youth and beauty will fade, and others fear that their power and control will be taken by another. Some fear men: people that they believe must be appeased; otherwise, they will lose their relevance, prestige, or whatever else they fear they will lose.
Our reverence and respect for God give rise to the fear of Him. It brings us in awe of Him and stirs our utmost for His highest. Unlike other fears, there’s warmth and a sense of safety… The fear is in my displeasure of whatever will cause me to come short of His pleasure. The fear is my healthy sense of responsibility knowing who I represent.
The Christian perspective on fear and temptation is such that as long as there is something that we fear, more than our fear of the Lord or the consequences of disobeying God, we will obey that other thing and disobey God. That temptation will win. Paul (Rom. 6) calls such our true master.
As a young boy, the split on my brow must have been painful, but my fear of what might happen when I got home to my soon-to-be very disappointed dad masked the pain. Not “noticing” the pain was an indication that I no longer feared missing the excitement from my earlier behavior. If time was rewound but I retained my new frame of mind, I would say no to the event that led to the split head. Not so much because of the pain (which I did not feel), but because I would not want to disappoint my dad and risk some dire consequences.
When our fear and reverence of God take center stage, our fear of what we might lose if we do not yield to a particular behavior loses its attraction. The big question, therefore, is: who or what are you afraid of? Like me, I hope you’re making room only for one: the fear of God.
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Forgiving You: More For Me
Courtesy: Sunguk Kim On Unsplash Life often burdens us with memories of past wrongs and offenses—unresolved grudges, painful experiences, and emotional wounds. These memories can weigh heavily on our hearts, much like the clutter we accumulate in our homes, things that once seemed valuable but eventually lost their significance. Just as we clean out our closets, pulling out the clutters from where they had been hidden and stored, then shred and burn or dump them for the landfill, we must also clear our hearts by choosing to forgive. The past hurts must be unplugged from their guarded vaults and “forgiven,” releasing ourselves from their weight and other associated costs.
Clutter indeed does more harm than taking up space. They attract pests, bugs, rodents, and dirt. Ever wondered how the corners where clutters are tucked away do not get cleaned? They become breeding grounds for other things that otherwise would not be sharing space with you.
- Someone hurt you.
- You smiled, reminding yourself that “revenge is better served cold.”
- Then you file it away in a corner of your heart.
- A day later, it has grown 10 interpretations, and from that,
- You chided yourself for missing out on 20 different ways you could have responded at the time.
- Presently you are nursing 100 ways you would retaliate. One hundred possible reactions that are non-edifying and would hurt the relationship.
We file away the pain, the bitterness, the resentment, hoping that they will keep the memory alive and one day serve as our justification to strike back. Sadly, like my clutter, we grow old with those pains and resentments and often forget why we stashed them away so effectively in the first place. Remember those annoying moments when you search your memory so intently for the reason you are so unhappy with someone with whom you should otherwise have a far more cordial relationship?
“Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”
Ephesians 4:32
Forgiveness is Not Just an Act of Kindness Toward Others
… It is a vital step toward our inner peace. Holding onto anger and resentment is like carrying unnecessary emotional baggage. As I recently went through my belongings, I realized that many items I had once deemed important were now just clutter, taking up space without purpose, constraining the freedom to think of new purposeful additions, and adding needless weight to my luggage. In the same way, unresolved emotions from past offenses serve no real purpose besides keeping us agitated and irritable.
Forgiveness is Not Just a Spiritual Obligation
… It is about releasing the past and choosing to not let it control our present. We may believe holding onto anger empowers us or asserts our right to justice, but this only traps us in a cycle of pain. Transcending the reason for pain and looking away from the person(s) we associate as its source takes the sting of the pain away. It also neutralizes the power from that source and releases us to stay on track as God designed for us. Staying transfixed on a hurt from the past can keep one plotting revenge for the rest of his or her life. The agenda for the day and the rest of life are hijacked. What better definition for something that is controlled by another? One’s reaction to pain can derail one for a lifetime.
Forgiveness is Not Excusing the Wrong that Was Done
… It means choosing to move beyond it and freeing ourselves from its hold. In forgiving, we allow God to fill the space that pain once occupied with His peace and healing. When God says, “Leave vengeance to me,” it is for times when due punishment is warranted, but He still calls on us to sheath our swords. Though forgiveness involves accommodating and even excusing each other’s inadequacies, it does not mean that we do not feel the pain or that the pain is invalidated. When the Lord said, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do,” He was in the most excruciating pain any human could ever endure. We do not forgive because the pain has become bearable.
Forgiveness is Not Minding Your Business
… It is praying for the other person. Praying for the person that despitefully uses you. Blessing the person that curses you. Loving your enemy (Matt. 5:44-46). Choosing to align and submit to the annoying vision of that person you honestly consider clueless and allowing to be cheated. Like allowing someone to run over you. This is difficult. But Jesus instructed it (Luke 6:29) and Paul taught it (1 Cor. 6:7). Forgiveness is an attitude the superior carries. Ever seen a parent whining and throwing tantrums that the baby puked on her dress or gave her emotional distress by making noise (crying) when the parent needed some quiet? (Well, perhaps you may think of one somewhere, but rarely.) The parent is often stronger, accommodating of the fact that the child does not know any better, accommodating of the child’s weaknesses and frailties, wiser, and forgiving. Perhaps that is why we say, “To err is human; to forgive is divine.” Or should I say, to forgive is human knowing the aid of the divine. And you can do all things through Christ who gives you strength. Of course, this does not invalidate other means of conflict transformation and resolution as situations warrant and Scriptures permit.
Transcending the reason for pain and looking away from the person(s) we associate as its source takes the sting of the pain away. It also neutralizes the power from that source and releases us to stay on track as God designed for us.
Your Right to Stay Vindictive
Our world is largely run on the quilt-innocence worldview. One needs to be careful how one looks at someone else because one could be sued for giving the other person a “traumatizing look.” Okay, I do not think there is anything like that. Or is there? Anyway, the global culture is leaning more towards intolerance. A social milieu marked by the dangerous mix of narcissism and the morbid lack of resilience. Telling a child to eat his food is traumatizing. Asking him or her to sit down is traumatizing. Spank the child? That is criminal. Failing a promotion examination becomes a reason to commit suicide.
This resilience deficiency besides finding endorsements in various laws, ironically also encourages people to feel entitled to pain. An unyielding sense of obligation, and even divine responsibility, to keep a pain point fresh and in the broadcast channel. A painful way to chain oneself to the past. Tantrums are known in children. While they are largely excused—or ignored – at a certain age, they become irritating and unbecoming. And lack of resilience is a major trigger of adult tantrums and emotional dysregulation.
The Peace of the Season
As we celebrate the birth of the Prince of Peace, let us reflect on the true peace that forgiveness brings. God started it with The Peace Child, when the angels announced, “Glory to God in the highest heaven, and on earth peace to those on whom his favor rests,” (Luke 2:14), that was God setting the stage as He called for cease fire. And onto the cross, He modeled for us what forgiveness groomed by resilience looks like. Holding onto unforgiveness may seem like it gives us control, but it only keeps us trapped in the past. True power lies in forgiving, transcending the hurt caused by others, and trusting in God’s ability to heal our wounds.
This season, let us clear the emotional clutter in our hearts, forgiving not only for others’ sake but for our peace. Letting go of the burdens we carry opens us to a life of joy, resilience, and the peace that forgiveness brings.
Of course, we have memories to keep records. Let us put them to work and remember what God has done. Do you want something to catalog, document, and hold to? Hold to the testimonies of God’s mercy and kindness. Oh! How small the space you have to accommodate the records of His goodness. The pains that beg to be remembered do not have any room. Treat them for what they are – clutter and bug-growing trash.
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Wars in Our Minds
Courtesy: Kodai Monma on Unsplash “[S]ince wars begin in the minds of men, it is in the minds of men that the defences of peace must be constructed.” Archibald MacLeish
There is hardly any war that is not in some way traceable to men and their over-inflated egos. Whether it is the Trojan War over the love of a girl or the Nigerian Civil War over territorial sovereignty. Though it might seem that some wars might be inevitable, the Bible, which by the way, is filled with stories of wars, gives us timeless examples of leadership, courage, and wisdom that ensure that conflict is kept at bay and otherwise hostile situations are not escalated.
In the Book of Judges, two stories present different approaches to conflict resolution from two leaders: Gideon and Jephthah. Both faced nearly identical challenges with the same tribe—Ephraim. However, their responses were different and led to very different outcomes. Gideon’s wise response in Judges 8 fostered peace, while Jephthah’s reaction in Judges 12 escalated to violence.
Choosing to Stoop
In Judges 8, Gideon had just won a significant victory over the Midianites. However, the men of Ephraim approached him angrily, complaining that he hadn’t called them to battle. Rather than react with anger or defensiveness, Gideon chose humility. He replied, “What have I accomplished compared to you? Aren’t the gleanings of Ephraim’s grapes better than the full grape harvest of Abiezer?” (vs. 2,3). Gideon compared himself to them and then his entire clan’s premium produce to Ephraim’s farm waste. On two counts, he scored Ephraim far better. And on such matters as were on the table: beating up the enemy, Gideon threw a salute at them, “Who has not heard how you finished Oreb and Zeeb, the Midianites. I doff my hat!” (Paraphrase – mine).
Gideon’s response in choosing to stoop illustrates wisdom. Rather than reacting to their “vigorous” challenge, he eased up the situation by uplifting Ephraim’s sense of honor and worth, showing respect and appreciation for their contribution. Did Gideon think the Ephraimites were completely praiseworthy? Perhaps not. Gideon probably saw people who would unsettle the ranks at the slightest excuse. Just as we might have to deal with someone given to scalable raucous. There are a few things as frustrating and draining as dealing with a cantankerous person every day. One wakes up with a lingering headache, wondering how to navigate the certain drama to be dished for that day.
Gideon must have had such a moment about the tribe of Ephraim. His response however not only soothed their anger but also prevented unnecessary conflict. By choosing a humble and gracious reply, Gideon demonstrated what King Solomon wrote years later: “A gentle word turns away wrath” (Prov. 15:1).
Clash of the Titans
Jephthah’s interaction with the men of Ephraim in Judges 12 tells a contrasting story. When the tribe of Ephraim approached him with a similar complaint. “Why did you go to fight the Ammonites without calling us to go with you? We’re going to burn down your house over your head.” Jephthah responded defensively. “I and my people were engaged in a great struggle with the Ammonites, and although I called, you didn’t save me out of their hands. When I saw that you wouldn’t help, I took my life in my hands and crossed over to fight the Ammonites, and the Lord gave me the victory over them. Now why have you come up today to fight me?” The next was an escalated conflict, resulting in a bloody civil war between Jephthah’s Gileadites and the tribe of Ephraim, leaving forty-two thousand dead. (Judges 12:1-4).
Managing the Contentious
Both Gideon and Jephthah faced people who seemed to be looking for a fight. Their situations illustrate a powerful lesson in handling contentious individuals. When people approach us with accusations, complaints, or just “looking for our trouble,” it’s easy to let defensiveness or pride dictate our response. Like Jephthah, there is often the craving for vindication—Like Adam and Eve who kept passing the buck when God took them up on eating the forbidden fruit.
Gideon’s story however reminds us of the power of humility and tact. By showing respect to others, preferring them (Rom.12:10), treating them as though better than us (Phil. 2:3), allowing a slap on the other cheek (Matt. 5:39), and not minding being cheated (1 Cor. 6:7), we can prevent arguments from escalating. When Gideon asked, “What am I compared to you?” he gave the men of Ephraim a sense of honor, subtly yielding to their desire for recognition, honor, and validation. Often, a soft word, a compliment, or a statement that acknowledges someone else’s achievements can turn a potentially volatile situation into one of mutual respect.
We, however, live in a world where some people would align with Jephthah who did not “take any nonsense.” A world where you are coached to flex your muscles when the other person fists for a fight, and the rest are spurring, “Fight! Fight! Fight!” We live in a world where misunderstandings and pride lead to divisions in families, “forty-two thousand” deaths, and ten-year wars.
Often, a soft word, a compliment, or a statement that acknowledges someone else’s achievements can turn a potentially volatile situation into one of mutual respect.
Wrapping up, the different responses of Gideon and Jephthah highlight how wisdom and tact—or the lack of those—can influence relationships and outcomes. Gideon’s approach shows that humility and grace can prevent unnecessary strife, while Jephthah’s story warns of the consequences of pride, ego trips, and defensiveness. As we navigate our own conflicts, we can strive to model Gideon’s wisdom and choose to respond with humility, remembering the impact that a gentle, honoring word can have on those around us.
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“The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.” – George Bernard Shaw
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