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“[S]ince wars begin in the minds of men, it is in the minds of men that the defences of peace must be constructed.” Archibald MacLeish

There is hardly any war that is not in some way traceable to men and their over-inflated egos. Whether it is the Trojan War over the love of a girl or the Nigerian Civil War over territorial sovereignty. Though it might seem that some wars might be inevitable, the Bible, which by the way, is filled with stories of wars, gives us timeless examples of leadership, courage, and wisdom that ensure that conflict is kept at bay and otherwise hostile situations are not escalated.

In the Book of Judges, two stories present different approaches to conflict resolution from two leaders: Gideon and Jephthah. Both faced nearly identical challenges with the same tribe—Ephraim. However, their responses were different and led to very different outcomes. Gideon’s wise response in Judges 8 fostered peace, while Jephthah’s reaction in Judges 12 escalated to violence.

Choosing to Stoop

In Judges 8, Gideon had just won a significant victory over the Midianites. However, the men of Ephraim approached him angrily, complaining that he hadn’t called them to battle. Rather than react with anger or defensiveness, Gideon chose humility. He replied, “What have I accomplished compared to you? Aren’t the gleanings of Ephraim’s grapes better than the full grape harvest of Abiezer?” (vs. 2,3). Gideon compared himself to them and then his entire clan’s premium produce to Ephraim’s farm waste. On two counts, he scored Ephraim far better. And on such matters as were on the table: beating up the enemy, Gideon threw a salute at them, “Who has not heard how you finished Oreb and Zeeb, the Midianites. I doff my hat!” (Paraphrase – mine).

Gideon’s response in choosing to stoop illustrates wisdom. Rather than reacting to their “vigorous” challenge, he eased up the situation by uplifting Ephraim’s sense of honor and worth, showing respect and appreciation for their contribution. Did Gideon think the Ephraimites were completely praiseworthy? Perhaps not. Gideon probably saw people who would unsettle the ranks at the slightest excuse. Just as we might have to deal with someone given to scalable raucous. There are a few things as frustrating and draining as dealing with a cantankerous person every day. One wakes up with a lingering headache, wondering how to navigate the certain drama to be dished for that day.

Gideon must have had such a moment about the tribe of Ephraim. His response however not only soothed their anger but also prevented unnecessary conflict. By choosing a humble and gracious reply, Gideon demonstrated what King Solomon wrote years later: “A gentle word turns away wrath” (Prov. 15:1).

Clash of the Titans

Jephthah’s interaction with the men of Ephraim in Judges 12 tells a contrasting story. When the tribe of Ephraim approached him with a similar complaint. “Why did you go to fight the Ammonites without calling us to go with you? We’re going to burn down your house over your head.” Jephthah responded defensively. “I and my people were engaged in a great struggle with the Ammonites, and although I called, you didn’t save me out of their hands. When I saw that you wouldn’t help, I took my life in my hands and crossed over to fight the Ammonites, and the Lord gave me the victory over them. Now why have you come up today to fight me?” The next was an escalated conflict, resulting in a bloody civil war between Jephthah’s Gileadites and the tribe of Ephraim, leaving forty-two thousand dead. (Judges 12:1-4).

Managing the Contentious

Both Gideon and Jephthah faced people who seemed to be looking for a fight. Their situations illustrate a powerful lesson in handling contentious individuals. When people approach us with accusations, complaints, or just “looking for our trouble,” it’s easy to let defensiveness or pride dictate our response. Like Jephthah, there is often the craving for vindication—Like Adam and Eve who kept passing the buck when God took them up on eating the forbidden fruit.

Gideon’s story however reminds us of the power of humility and tact. By showing respect to others, preferring them (Rom.12:10), treating them as though better than us (Phil. 2:3), allowing a slap on the other cheek (Matt. 5:39), and not minding being cheated (1 Cor. 6:7), we can prevent arguments from escalating. When Gideon asked, “What am I compared to you?” he gave the men of Ephraim a sense of honor, subtly yielding to their desire for recognition, honor, and validation. Often, a soft word, a compliment, or a statement that acknowledges someone else’s achievements can turn a potentially volatile situation into one of mutual respect.

We, however, live in a world where some people would align with Jephthah who did not “take any nonsense.” A world where you are coached to flex your muscles when the other person fists for a fight, and the rest are spurring, “Fight! Fight! Fight!” We live in a world where misunderstandings and pride lead to divisions in families, “forty-two thousand” deaths, and ten-year wars.

Often, a soft word, a compliment, or a statement that acknowledges someone else’s achievements can turn a potentially volatile situation into one of mutual respect.

Wrapping up, the different responses of Gideon and Jephthah highlight how wisdom and tact—or the lack of those—can influence relationships and outcomes. Gideon’s approach shows that humility and grace can prevent unnecessary strife, while Jephthah’s story warns of the consequences of pride, ego trips, and defensiveness. As we navigate our own conflicts, we can strive to model Gideon’s wisdom and choose to respond with humility, remembering the impact that a gentle, honoring word can have on those around us.